I sound like a broken record, but let me say one last time that this has been a difficult winter for me. My body does not deal well with even the slightest change in its delicate hormonal balance. I realize that being pregnant should bring about such euphoria that I am in a constant state of happiness, but I have been unable to keep myself from sinking for the last couple of months. The morning sickness (I wish it would stick to mornings) hasn't helped much, either.
February is a hard month for me every year. This past week marks the anniversary of the loss of someone very dear to me. It has been more than ten years now, and I'm always amazed at how fresh the pain feels. This year, I tried to plan things on that difficult day that would help me to focus on others. I planned two visiting teaching visits, including a lunch for one of our sisters. This kept me busy for half of the day, but when my day quieted down and the kids were napping, I was left with nothing to distract me from my thoughts. I feel like I really owe it to this loved one to live the best life that I can. So every year I have a good cry while I evaluate myself and my life. Needless to say, I never feel like I'm meeting my own expectations of what a good wife, mother, or woman should be. As painful as this time is for me, once I've worked through it I am inspired to do and be better. I also realize how grateful I am for all of the wonderful things in my life. It's impossible to replace someone you lose. But I can take comfort in the sweet spirits I have in my life who bring me joy. I love my little children so much. Sometimes I am completely overwhelmed by the awesome responsibility I have to care for and nurture these little developing human beings. But they make life so fun! This week I paid closer attention than usual to the little things they have to say, and the way they think about things. I have also been blessed to share in parenting a soon-to-be-teenager, and I think it makes me a better person to look at myself through his eyes. Most of all, I feel so lucky to be married to someone who supports me, loves me for who I am, and lifts me up when I'm not doing so well at standing on my own.
As I say goodbye to this sad week, I want to say goodbye to the dark time that was winter 2007-08. I said this once before, but as hard as I tried, I could not pick myself up. This time is for real. My sister and I took our kids for a walk to the park on Wednesday. It was sunny and gorgeous--I think it got up to 52 degrees that day--and for the first time in a long time, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. I know that a lot of you thrive on sunshine like I do, so you can relate. Over the past few days, we've been to the park twice, and my kids have spent hours out in the backyard playing. It has been wonderful! I'm not stupid enough to rely entirely on Vitamin D to pull me out of my funk. In fact, it's supposed to snow again tomorrow. But, just like the little buds coming up in my flowerbeds (the fruit of my hours of labor this fall planting 90+ bulbs--can you tell I'm excited?!), the buds of happiness inside of me will weather the storm now that I really know and feel that there are brighter days ahead.
Let me just add that I know I've been a terrible blogging friend over the past few months. I want you to know that I have taken comfort in reading your blogs, and in the comments you've left on my few dismal posts, even though I haven't really given back in comments. Thanks for being my friends, for having awesome blogs that are fun to read, inspiring, and honest, and for checking my blog even when you knew there wouldn't be anything there. You know who you are, and I love you.
First we had to pull up the lovely linoleum from the kitchen area and the 40-year-old (I don't really know, but it seemed like it) carpet from the dining area. Both were disgusting! The pad under the carpet was basically disintegrated, leaving big piles of sandy, gritty stuff. It took a lot of sweeping, then scrubbing with soapy water, to get the floors clean and ready to go. There was a second layer of subflooring where the linoleum had been to make the floor even, so that had to be pulled up as well. What we were left with was a smooth, level surface, so we were lucky in that regard.
We were surprised to find hardwood under the linoleum in the entryway. Apparently our entire living room is hardwood, but it's pretty hammered (there are big holes from nailing in the tack strips for the carpet and damage from where the linoleum was) and we actually want carpet in that room, so it will remain hidden.
Never trust the employees at Home Depot. Two different people at different times told me that the flooring we purchased could be clicked together, nailed down, OR glued down. Not so. When we opened the first package and read the instructions for the first time, on the day we were starting the project (maybe we should have done that a long time ago?), we found that the floors need to be glued down. John ran to Home Depot for glue, which is not cheap - the first of many trips to that stupid store over the next week and a half. Did I mention that when we started, bright and early in the morning, we thought we'd be finished by the end of the day - with the entire floor?! The process was very tedious. The glue had to be spread on the floor with a trowel, then the boards were put down, one at a time. They're tongue-and-groove, so they then had to be pounded into each other as tightly as possible, all along the length of each board several times, and at each end. Once in place, we had to tape them with painter's tape to keep them in place while the glue dried. Poor John was hunched over for 10 days. I don't know how he can stand up straight now.
There was a lot of sawing and swearing, as John had to cut pieces to fit around heat registers, corners, etc. And once the floor was done, there was the quarter-round trim to be installed around the bottom of all of the cabinets. And then moldings to be painted and put back up. All of this took an excruciatingly long time. It took us an evening just to finish the trim behind the oven and fridge, so you can imagine how many hours the entire project took. Oh, and I forgot to mention the threshold pieces between the carpet and our entryway, from the bedroom, to the top of the stairs, to the beginning of the hallway......you get the picture. Once it was all finished, we were left with these stunning results:
I am so thrilled! I love the color and the contrast with the white cabinets. Once we get new countertops that are darker, we'll have the perfect balance of light and dark. I am so proud of my husband, for doing such an awesome job at something he's never even tried before. He's such a hard worker! I do have to warn anyone considering wood floors - they'll drive you crazy. The second I finish sweeping and then shining the entire floor on hands and knees (I'm still a little anal about it), I stand up and see bits of fuzz and dust that have fallen while I was working. And every time we drop anything hard, we get a big ding in the floor. I could take you around the room and point out 75 dings and tell you what caused each one. Hopefully I'll relax someday. But I think it's worth the craziness. The glue underneath the floor actually makes for some give when you step, and it doesn't feel cold at all, like tile would. Overall, I love it!
