So excited!

It's here - my annual post about how much I love my garden! I felt like summer started the week before Mother's Day, because that's when we got the garden back up and running. John had a free afternoon, and I was surprised to come home from errands and find the neighbor's tiller in our garage. I had decided that as soon as we tilled, I would get started. (Last year we tilled too early and the weeds had completely invaded before I even planted anything, so I started out behind the game.) So as soon as the ground was tilled and raked, I sent John to get a truckload of compost. He unloaded the truck and spread it around, and I ran to the garden shop to get seeds. Here's what I planted: green beans, carrots, peas, beets, onions, chives, spinach, swiss chard, summer squash, butternut squash, spaghetti squash, zucchini, cucumbers, pumpkins, watermelon, cantaloupe, dill, and basil. My parsley and strawberry plants survived the winter, so I transplanted them. The next week, I added tomato plants - about 9 different varieties - and cherry tomatoes, as well as green and red peppers, jalapenos, and serrano peppers.

The past few weeks have been soooo exciting, as I've gone out every day to weed and water, and to watch for little bits of green coming up. I'm pleased to say that everything I planted has at least one tiny plant coming up now, which is better than last year. I never could get the pumpkin or melon seeds to sprout, so I ended up buying starts. If you garden, you know what I mean about the excitement. If you don't, you've got to try it!

I have big plans for the garden this year. I plan to can oodles of tomatoes, and beans if I get enough this year. Last year, my beans came a handful at a time, and my baby came at the same time as the tomatoes. Plus, Tanner moved in and started school. So I let loads of tomatoes rot before I could can them, and felt sick about it. This year I think I can do it if I do a batch every few days. We'll see about that..........Also, I really wanted to make salsa last year, but didn't for all of the above reasons. Hopefully, I'll get to try this time.

I have to say how grateful I am to have a hard-working husband. He did an entire day's worth of back-breaking labor to get everything ready for me, and all while he was on call and could have needed to shower and run to work at a minute's notice. His "do it now" attitude is a perfect complement to my "I'll get to it" style. I know he wanted to help me get the garden started because he knows how much I love it and that it kept me sane last summer. I love being outside, digging in the dirt, having the kids playing outside and wearing themselves out, and feeling the sense of accomplishment when harvest time comes!

Get me off this crazy train

I have always been prone to hormone-induced insanity. I take a fun little roller coaster ride at least once a month. Sometimes it's a short ride with small ups and downs. Other times, like this month, the highs are super high, and the lows are terribly low, and there are a couple of loops thrown in just for fun. Unfortunately for my family, they get to go on the ride with me, but they feel the dips more than the rest of it.

Take yesterday, for example. I offered to take my sister Stephanie's two daughters for the day so that she could pack boxes and prepare to move. Katelyn had dance, so I piled my 3 little ones and her 2 into the van. We stayed in the van and watched movies until Katelyn was done, then headed to Costco for my usual Wednesday shopping trip and lunch. I got some strange stares, and even a few comments, as I pushed a cart loaded with 5 kids through Costco. (Usually the kids prefer to walk, but I was happy to have them all in my control when they opted to sit in the cart.) When I sat down at the food court with 5 littles ones, feeding 1 baby food and cutting pizza for the other 4, I could feel the eyes of everyone around me...........the entire. time. we. sat. there! It was a little crazy, trying to keep drinks from spilling, pizza from ending up on the floor, clothes from getting covered in food. But as I sat there, I felt good about myself. I was calm and collected. I didn't feel stressed or rushed, though it took FOREVER to take the kids to the potty. And it took even longer to load everyone back in the car, change a diaper, and make a bottle. I never lost my cool, on the outside or on the inside. I even managed to get 2 of them to nap when we got home. It was a great feeling! Fast forward a few hours. My sister has picked up her kids. My 3-year-old is waking up from his nap, which is almost never a pleasant experience. I'm exhausted from the day's activities, and from trying to keep everyone outside or quiet-as-mice inside, since my husband is working nights and sleeping (or trying to) days this week. And I'm faced with making dinner. Suddenly this task seems insurmountable and I feel like I'm going to break. I'm so frustrated that my hubby even offers to go get a pizza or fast food. (I should have taken him up on it!) I did make dinner, and survived getting the kids to bed and seeing John off to work.

And now for today's adventures: sew sew sew, trying to finish blanket for friend who just had baby; to Walmart with kids to get groceries to make dinner for same friend; lunch on the run; MusicMakers, where my kids were on their worst behavior EVER; home to frantically sew some more; cooking, baking, sewing, until...................I'm done! As the clock struck 6, I was driving to deliver dinner, complete with lasagna, salad, bread, and a cake, AND a freshly finished blanket. Now that's a feeling of accomplishment! Back at home I fed my family the same dinner, making for a happy hubby. Later, as I took a break for the first time all day, and for the last hour with John before he headed to work, we sat down to watch last night's American Idol results show. With Katelyn whining at me on one side, and Carter on the other - a constant stream of "I want, I want, I want" and "now, now, now" - I broke. I had to remove myself to another room to keep from losing it completely. Suddenly everything was too much for me and I couldn't handle hearing another demand, breaking up another fight, or cleaning up another spill. With clenched teeth and a raging temper, I got the kids in bed. They're all alive, but if I hear another pair of feet in the hallway, I fear for those kids.

So the mood swings are pretty bad. If I didn't know my body, I'd be ready to check myself into the nearest psych ward. But I'm comforted, if only slightly, by the fact that this will pass. And I'm feeling ashamed of myself. This hormonal upheaval is causing me to feel like I can't survive another second of my life. I've thought several times in the last week of the pioneer women crossing the plains, burying children and battling every kind of hardship along the way. I guarantee their attitudes were better in the face of those trials than mine has been in the face of this tiny little challenge. I have got to quit feeling sorry for myself and buck up. For now, if you see me, you'll know why I don't seem myself. I you don't see me, count yourself lucky!

Happy Mother's Day

I want to wish my mom and my mom-in-law a happy Mother's Day. I am so blessed to have such wonderful and giving women in my life. Thanks to them, I haven't gone crazy since my 2 children suddenly turned into 4. And thanks to both of them, I've been able to go on 2 trips in the last month. I spent a week with my sister, Cassie, and my sweet baby Aidan in Iowa seeing sites and shopping. The next weekend I lived it up with my hubby in New York City. I had a great time traveling the country, and felt rejuvenated and excited about motherhood again after getting back. So thanks, moms. I love you and appreciate you so much!

Now, about today...........since I first became a mother, I've struggled with my feelings about Mother's Day (see last year's post). There have been years when I've been selfish, focusing on how things should have gone and didn't. There have been years of sadness because I've thought only of my failures as a mother. And more recently, as I'm maturing (hopefully), I've tried to make it more about the mothers in my life than about myself. But this morning I realized that this day will be different for our family for the rest of our lives. Today my focus was on helping my heartbroken (step)son deal with the pain of losing a mother. We had talks about remembering the good things, hugged him through the tears, and started a new tradition to honor his mother. Although he can't see it, each year will get a tiny bit easier. But Mother's Day has taken on a new meaning, and now we join the others who are reminded of losses on this day - who struggle to see the good through the sorrow.

I hope that all of you had a wonderful day. All of my friends are incredible mothers, and I look up to each of you for different reasons. You are incredible women, and your children are lucky to have you.

As the day draws to a close, I'm inspired to be a better mom to my children, especially to the one who needs me more than he'll ever let on.