Clawing my way back up

* Warning: This post promises to be whiny and not at all uplifting. Read at your own risk! *

I am capable of holding my life together. I can keep my house clean, prepare yummy meals for dinner, be reasonably patient with my children, and treat my husband like he deserves to be treated. But sometimes I fall. I fall hard. And sometimes instead of picking myself up, I lie there, face down. The longer I stay down, the harder it is to pick myself up. And then I start to lose the desire to get up. And then I'm just lying there in a pile. And I start to rot - a stinking pile of self-pity, shame, and self-loathing. And eventually I disappear. But then I realize that I want to reappear. I just don't know how. How do I pick myself up and get back to the life I enjoy and the person my family deserves?

We had a wonderful December. We hung Christmas lights everywhere - outside and inside. We got a real tree and decorated it and the glow of it in the corner of my living room at night lit up the entire month for me. We drank hot chocolate and ate Christmas cookies while we watched beloved Christmas specials on t.v. with the kids in front of a warm fire. We took the kids shopping for each other and then helped them to wrap their gifts. We went to This is the Place Heritage Park as a family and drank hot apple cider, strung popcorn, and saw a live nativity. I vowed to blog about every last thing, but Christmas got closer and I was so busy.

About two weeks before Christmas, I started to get a cold. I hung in there through Christmas (which was wonderful, with lots of tradition and time spent with family) and New Years, which was equally fun. Somewhere in there, the cold turned to a sinus infection, and then back to a terrible cough and cold. It feels like I've gone months without a real voice or the ability to breathe without coughing. And I've spent weeks sleeping on the couch so that I could be upright and have a chance at breathing. (Yes, I warned you that this would be whiny!)

We did a lot this month. We (I should say John, but I did help) installed our new hardwood floors, did more painting, and took the kids to Disneyland for their first time ever, thanks to my sweet mother-in-law. (I plan to write extensive blog posts for all of these things, complete with pictures. Just let me get this negativity out of my system, will ya?)

So I'm getting over my cold, finally! I still cough like I have TB when I come in from the cold, but I can sleep lying down now. I should be so happy! What is my problem?
Am I completely alone in this, or is it a mom thing? Being sick has left me:

• behind on laundry
• behind on housework
• grumpy and impatient with the kids
• less than friendly with my husband
• completely unsociable, therefore a terrible friend
• and devoid of any motivation to change these things.

In my funk, I've cut myself off from everything that could help lift me out - no phone calls, no visits or hanging out with friends or family. No blogging - not even reading my friends' blogs.

But now I'm ready. I am going to get back up, brush myself off, and get my life back on track. Starting today. Give me a day or two and I'll post something bright and happy. I have a lot of catching up to do!

* I would not have opened myself up to scrutiny by writing about this if it weren't for two things - the understanding I know I'll get from my friends, and the anonymity of writing for strangers to read. Thanks for sticking it out through this entire negative post. *