So happy...

Lucy wrote a post recently that I really empathized with, as I'm sure most of us can. I have felt overwhelmed for about 5 months now. The first week or two after Aidan was born felt dream-like. I thought to myself several times, "I can do this. It isn't nearly as hard as I feared it would be." We were keeping the house reasonably clean and the kids somewhat under control. We were all blissfully happy about our new little addition, and about having Tanner permanently in our home. I am so grateful for that little calm before the storm. Since then, the house hasn't stayed clean for even 24 hours at a time, and I feel like I'm constantly trying to catch up on something. Laundry and dishes pile up until I'm ready to switch to disposable dishes and send all of our clothes out to be laundered. At times, I'm sure that I'll never feel good about the state of our home again...that I'll never feel satisfied with the attention I've given my kids...I'll never feel like I've had enough sleep to function.


But please keep reading, because this isn't another one of my posts where I tell you about trying to dig myself out of the depths and how hard life is for me (though I admittedly got out my complaints in the first paragraph). I AM HAPPY! Blissfully happy. I feel unbelievably blessed, and spoiled to death most of the time. There are a couple of reasons for this:

• I am head-over-heels in love with my baby! I know I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Aidan is the happiest little baby. He is constantly smiling, and now he laughs. He makes it impossible for me to be unhappy.

• I'm trying to set a good example for Tanner. I have always known that a big part of my role as a mother is to model the behaviors I want my kids to learn. It's a lot easier to get lazy about this when the kids are little and you can convince yourself that they're not really paying attention to every little thing. (Not true at all, I know.) But having a 12-year-old son around all the time has made me very aware of my actions. I want to be an example of healthy eating habits, appropriate speech, manners, compassion toward others, I could go on and on. Above all, I want to model a good attitude. I want him to learn that he can decide to be happy, regardless of the circumstances. I want happiness to come naturally for my kids because that's the environment they grew up in.


• I love my kids. We had trouble having a fourth child, and sometimes I was sure it would never happen. Now I feel so incredibly blessed. There is so much love when you have your first child, and it's amazing how that love multiplies each time you add to your family. I don't feel like a very good mother, but I'm a very grateful one.


• I have the world's greatest husband. John has been so supportive through all of this. I can't imagine that I would be as patient if the roles were reversed. Who doesn't want to come home to a clean house, a yummy dinner, and have clean laundry when it's needed? And even though he doesn't get much of those things now, he still treats me like a princess. I sometimes wonder if he's building me up so that I'll try to aspire to be the person he believes me to be. I have been pretty much a failure as a wife for months now. He must be able to see how hard I'm trying, or he wouldn't be so good to me. Now, this is going to sound pretty materialistic, but it has to be mentioned. For Christmas, John surprised me with a new van. I had already opened some really awesome presents, and was feeling spoiled rotten, when he tricked me into opening a little box that I thought was a bracelet from Katelyn. It turned out to be a key to my 2009 Town & Country, which was sitting in the driveway with a huge gold bow on it. So now you know that I really am spoiled rotten. But my husband is a genius. Right now, my van is my sanctuary. Carter is in such a naughty stage that I sometimes consider throwing my hands in the air and fleeing motherhood, and Katie is 5, but fully willing to add her own rebellion to the situation far too often. Add a crying baby to that (not too often, but it doesn't take much, and he is teething), and I'm stretched beyond my limits. So I load the kids in the van. I heat up my seat and inhale that smell of new leather. Then I wait for the kids to buckle up and put on their wireless headphones. They choose a show - they can both watch the same thing on 2 screens, or they can each choose their own entertainment. There are 2 DVD players, as well as satellite TV with a choice of Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, or Nickelodeon. I put their viewing choices on the screens, they set the switch on their headphones to the screen they want to watch, and we're off. That's when I get to listen to whatever I want, and I've really fallen in love with satellite radio. (Funny, because I thought it was kind of pointless and unnecessary before having it myself.) Call it escapism, but when we get out of the van, my spirit is rejuvenated and I'm ready to take on more mothering challenges. And the entire time we're out, I feel so spoiled, and so loved. It's amazing what push-button sliding doors can do for a weary soul, especially one that's usually toting a gigantic baby in a car seat.

So now I feel a little embarrassed about bragging up my Christmas present, but I have to give my husband credit for doing something that has made such a huge difference in my daily life. And I want to record my thoughts so that someday I can look back on what a happy time this was, even though it's hectic and crazy. Having 4 kids is kicking my butt, but I'm absolutely loving it!

For the record, I wouldn't even be blogging if I didn't feel better about the state of things in my life. I'm just praying that I can keep things under control so that I can start adding some of my "me" things back into my life (blogging, sewing, playing the piano, etc.). Actually, tonight is my first practice with the German choir I'm considering joining. I hope I can make it work. :)

A fun surprise from a thoughtful friend

I was in my little courtyard in front of my house on Saturday, painting base molding for John's basement office, when the mailman brought the mail. Seeing the paint brush in my hand, he asked if he should put the mail in the box. He was holding a few letters and a small package. I thanked him, then set down my brush and ran over to see what the package was. I was so excited to see my name on it, and intrigued at the return address. What was Elise sending me? I opened it up and found this inside:

This adorable wipe holder was handmade by Elise for me and my cute little baby. As you can see, it's perfect in every way. She is very talented! And now I feel so stylish when I pull the wipes out of my bag. So thanks Elise! I have to say that you made my day.

Now, just for fun, here are some pics of the cute little baby who will share my fun gift with me:

My Favorite Things #11: O Tannenbaum

Like my friend Becky, I love the glow of my Christmas tree. You would think I'd get it up earlier so that I can enjoy it longer, but I'm having trouble staying caught up just with the day-to-day right now, so we're lucky we even have a tree! The kids and I went a week ago and picked out a live tree at our local grocery store. They have nice trees for one reasonable price. If I go to a tree lot, the tree I want is always the most expensive, so I prefer the "one price fits all" approach. (No, I haven't given in and bought an artificial tree yet, though I assume I will eventually. I love the smell and, well everything about a real tree!) This year I surrendered all control. I allowed Tanner to pick the tree, although I didn't understand his choice until we got it all decorated. I think it looks great now. I also let the kids put up all of the ornaments without my guidance. I have to admit, I do look at the tree and think that I should move a couple of things. You probably can't tell from the picture, but most of the ornaments are silver and red balls. There are small and large balls of both colors, and half of the red are shiny and half are matte. If I hung the ornaments, I would spend way too much time and effort trying to perfectly alternate the sizes and colors. I'm proud of myself for letting the kids do it and not going back and fixing it. It still has the pleasing glow, and that's all I really care about. I have to mention how excited Carter is that we have a real tree in our house. He must not have been paying attention last year!

I have to include a picture of the three cute little trees outside my front door. My same friend Becky found these on clearance after Christmas last year and was sweet enough to pick a box up for me and for our friend Ally. I had to wait a full year to finally be able to put them up. I love the atmosphere it creates before you enter our home.

Hope you're enjoying your holiday decor!

My Favorite Things #10: A Night Out With My Husband

.......particularly when there's a free meal involved (department Christmas party), and I've used the event as an excuse to buy a new dress. This will be the first time I've left the baby with anyone other than John, but we've got the cute girl across the street coming to babysit, and I trust her completely. I'm looking forward to a night of being just a wife. It re-energizes me and makes me appreciate being a mother.

My Favorite Things #9: My Little People Nativity

I asked my mom to get this for me for my birthday when we lived in Spokane. It's one of my favorite things to get out at Christmas time. I think the pictures say it all:

My Favorite Things #8: Little Girls in Leotards

Katelyn started taking dance in September. We were referred to an amazing teacher who has a preschool (Katie's only in the dance class) in addition to teaching creative dance to students of all ages. She's been doing it for over 30 years now, and her daughters are also teachers. Every December all of her students (there are over 100) perform the Nutcracker at a local high school. This week we had dress rehearsals on Monday and Tuesday nights, and the performances are Wednesday and Thursday. Every child gets a chance to be seen on the stage, which of course the parents love. I'm so excited to go tomorrow and watch the look on John's face when he sees his adorable little girl up there - he still hasn't seen her dance at all.

My Favorite Things #7: Blogging

It's been a little over a year and a half since I started my blog. It didn't take me long to realize what a great way it is to stay connected with friends, and to make new connections with people I may not have had the opportunity to meet. Blogging has been a source of comfort for me. It has been an outlet. It's been entertaining, and it's been uplifting. When life has kept me from being able to post or read others' posts, I've felt like something is missing. I could go on and on about why I love to blog and the positive effects of blogging, but you wouldn't be reading this if you didn't already know. So thanks for taking the time to read my blog, and for putting yourself out there for me and everyone else with your blog. If you're wondering who I'm referring to, check out the blogs on the side of the page. (If your blog is private, I obviously didn't include it in the list, but not because I don't love you.)

So for the love of blogging, I'm going to respond to the tag from Ginger yesterday:

1. Do you like bleu cheese? Not usually, but nothing goes better with hot wings than bleu cheese dressing.
2. Have you ever smoked? I've never smoked a cigarette. I always hated the smell so badly that I couldn't imagine inhaling the stuff.
3. Do you own a gun? No. We're considering it, though.
4. What flavor Kool-Aid was your favorite? Grape, but I was always nervous that it would give me a Kool-Aid mustache, so to this day I'm very careful when I drink it.
5. Do you get nervous about doctor appointments? Only when it's time for one of my kids to get shots. I don't like that one bit.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? About once a year, a hot dog sounds really good. Then it takes me another year to work up a craving again. Of course, that doesn't count polish dogs at Costco. Those almost always sound good, loaded with onions and ketchup and mustard. Oh, and corn dogs are a different thing altogether!
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Because it's my husband's favorite, I've come to love It's a Wonderful Life.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Despite my recent post, in the morning all I want is cold, cold water. Always.
9. Can you do push-ups? I hope I could do a couple, but that's about all I could hope for right now.
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding ring. That's the only serious jewelry I own, anyway.
11. Favorite hobby? Playing the piano. Blogging and sewing are close behind.
12. Do you have ADD? I never have, but I'm going through a stage where I'm having trouble focusing on one thing at a time. It's driving me crazy!
13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? Just one? Procrastination is at the top of the list.
14. Middle initial? M.
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? It's really hard to type without using my left index finger. I need to get to bed. I hope Carter sleeps through the night.
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Diet Dr. Pepper and water. Those are the most regular.
17. Current worry? My house is a mess.
18. Current hate right now? Headaches.
19. Favorite place to be? In the living room with my husband after the kids are in bed.
20. How did you ring in the new year? With good friends and too much food.
21. Where would you like to go? I am always aching to go to Europe, but I've been thinking a lot about Hawaii lately. I've never been there.
22. Name 3 people to tag? Cassie, Becky K, Becky C
23. Do you own slippers? Yes, but I never wear them. I should!
24. What shirt are you wearing? One that looked cute to me right after I had the baby, but has lost its magic.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Never tried it.
26. Can you whistle? Yes, but I can't do that super loud whistle with 2 fingers in your mouth. I've always wanted to be able to do that!
27. Favorite color? I always say purple, but I like a lot of different colors in different contexts.
28. Would you be a pirate? Never. It would make me way too sad to steal from people.
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't think I've sung in the shower since I had kids. I'm always listening for someone to be crying or causing trouble while I hurry as fast as possible.
30. Favorite girl's name? Katelyn Elizabeth, of course.
31. Favorite boy's name? C'mon! Carter, Aidan, and Tanner.
32. What's in your pocket right now? I'm proud to say that my comfy lounge pants have no pockets!
33. Last thing that made you laugh? My little baby looking up at me and smiling and cooing like crazy.
34. What vehicle do you drive? A 2001 Chrysler Town & Country. Minivans rock!
35. Worst injury? Sewing through my fingernail into my bone.
36. Do you love where you live? Yes and no, for many reasons. But I truly believe that there's a reason we live here right now. The people around us are amazing!
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 4
38. Who is your loudest friend? You have to read Ginger's response to this because it's hilarious and it echoes my sentiments. While I don't really have loud friends, my son Carter has the loudest voice you've ever heard - seriously!
39. Do you have any pets? Yes. Two cats and a snake. A big, giant, snake.
40. Does someone have a crush on you? I think my baby does. I catch him watching me, just waiting for me to look at him. Then when I look, he gives me the biggest smile he possible can. Sounds like I'm the one with the crush!
41. Your favorite book? I always have a hard time with favorites. Right now I'd narrow it down to A Handmaid's Tale, 1984, and Crime and Punishment.
42. Do you collect anything? I had a lot of collections as a kid - coins, erasers, small glass animals - but I can't think of any collections that I've held onto or started since then. I'd like to say that I collect shoes, but I don't think I have enough to be taken seriously.
43. Favorite sports team? I really don't watch sports. The closest I come is having golf on while I do things around the house if I happen to be alone. It's peaceful, but entertaining at the same time.
44. What song do you want played at your funeral? I don't ever think about what should or will happen at my funeral. Off the top of my head, I'd say Rachmaninoff's second piano concerto, second movement.