February blahs

I need to start thinking like a blogger again. I've been dying to post something, but not only am I short on free time, I am also seriously lacking in good blog material. When I started blogging, everything around me provided inspiration. I was constantly composing blog posts in my mind. I think I've allowed all of those unwritten posts to rot in my head for so long now that I can't even recognize a good blog topic if it stares me in the face.

So all month I've been trying to think of something to write about. I just can't think of anything funny or upbeat. See, February is a rough month for me. I think I mentioned that last year. It takes me most of the month to get over myself and move on. (That's right, I said get over myself. It's time to start focusing on others and get myself out of this funk.) I am seriously excited for March to get here, just so it won't be February anymore, and so I can start fresh.

Now I want to give a little shout out to the sweet souls who have helped me get through this month. First of all, my dear friend Alisa, who sent me a package with the most thoughtful note, and these adorable things:

Oops, I already had the baby! This is the part she sent:Too cute, huh? She can't know how much her gift and note lifted my spirits. The timing was uncannily perfect. Thank you, Alisa!

Then there are friends who come into town and make time for a visit. Becky and I were lucky enough to do brunch with Lucy, one of my favorite bloggers and a friend in real life. (OK, it was actually the end of January, but it still counts.) The conversation is always great with Lucy. She's one of the best listeners I have ever met. She makes you feel like she really cares about what you have to say. I hope we all get a chance to do this again soon!

A few weeks ago I was graced with a visit from Becky C, one of my awesome Spokane buddies. She and her family were in town and made an afternoon for us. They were even kind enough to watch my little ones while I took Tanner for a haircut. Talk about nice! And I have to say that Becky looks amazing! See for yourself:

My sister Julie made time in her busy schedule to hang out with me this week and force me to sew. I've been meaning to finish up some projects, but never can allow myself the time. My sister and I are very close and have shared a lot. She's really fun to be around, and I can always be myself. Thanks, sis.

(Obviously this is not a recent picture. It sits on my bedside table in a frame Julie gave me a long time ago. It's probably my favorite picture of the two of us.)

Then there's my husband - my best friend. This month, in addition to listening to my constant ramblings and providing emotional support, he gave me an awesome Valentines gift. Out of the blue, he decided to buy me the dining table of my dreams. Now the house feels so much more finished. Here's the old hunk of junk:

And here's the new beauty:

I wasn't head-over-heels until we sat down and ate a meal with our next door neighbors. The table has plenty of space for people and food, but feels very intimate. Now I'm completely in love!

Last, but not least, I want to thank the friends who keep me going on a day-to-day basis - sisters who I talk to on the phone almost daily, friends who make the time and go to the effort to come to my silly little preschool music group on Thursdays. You guys have no idea how much your time and friendship mean to me. I'm a lucky girl!

Random Thoughts

I'm supposed to be doing my taxes, but TurboTax gave me a friendly little message when I signed in telling me that their service is currently unavailable. How can that be? I hope the site is up and running soon, but in the meantime....

• At my ward bookclub a few weeks ago, I was asked to pick a book for May, when it's my turn to host. When I told the women that I had chosen These Is My Words, two different people corrected me, saying, "You mean, these are my words?" Yes, ladies, my grammar is that bad! In reality, I am a grammar snob, and pick apart every little thing I see or hear in the media. That makes this kind of questioning particularly offensive to me. C'mon, ladies, don't you know I'm a genius by now?
• I am dying to plant my garden again! I think about it constantly. For some reason it sounds super fun to spend hours baking in the hot sun with my legs aching from the constant squatting and standing back up. I think I just need something to force me to get outside and get some sort of exercise.
• On that note, I took my first walk in ages today. I allowed the kids to ride their bikes while I pushed Aidan in the stroller. We headed to the library, and it took a full hour to get there! I knew I would need a lot of patience, since this was our first time learning the rules of bike-riding beyond our yard. Luckily the walk home was slightly downhill and went a little faster. I hope I have the patience to try it again soon. It doesn't sound very fun now that we've done it.
• While I was on the phone with my sister Stephanie this morning, Carter really wanted to talk. I gave him the phone and he proceeded to tell her, "I have a little baby brother. His name is Baby Aidan. We got him from my mom's tummy." And then, immediately, "We saw Santa at Grandma Rose's house." I thought the part about where we got Aidan was hilarious, as was the fact that these incidents are not at all related, and not at all recent. Kids say funny stuff.
• When he's not cracking me up with the stuff he says, Carter is trying to send me to a mental hospital. His behavior is the worst it has ever been, and it's constant. He hits and kicks everyone in the family, he talks back and yells at me all the time, he refuses to obey just about anything we ask him to do, and he gets this look on his face and laughs a maniacal laugh that says, "I'll do whatever I want and there's nothing you can do about it." I swear to you I get to the point where I want to throw my hands in the air and walk away from this whole mom gig. I have tried every method of discipline I can think of, and I'm really trying to be consistent and act immediately upon his misbehavior. Any ideas? If he doesn't grow out of this I'm not sure what I'll do......

I guess it's time to see if TurboTax is up again. Later!

So happy...

Lucy wrote a post recently that I really empathized with, as I'm sure most of us can. I have felt overwhelmed for about 5 months now. The first week or two after Aidan was born felt dream-like. I thought to myself several times, "I can do this. It isn't nearly as hard as I feared it would be." We were keeping the house reasonably clean and the kids somewhat under control. We were all blissfully happy about our new little addition, and about having Tanner permanently in our home. I am so grateful for that little calm before the storm. Since then, the house hasn't stayed clean for even 24 hours at a time, and I feel like I'm constantly trying to catch up on something. Laundry and dishes pile up until I'm ready to switch to disposable dishes and send all of our clothes out to be laundered. At times, I'm sure that I'll never feel good about the state of our home again...that I'll never feel satisfied with the attention I've given my kids...I'll never feel like I've had enough sleep to function.


But please keep reading, because this isn't another one of my posts where I tell you about trying to dig myself out of the depths and how hard life is for me (though I admittedly got out my complaints in the first paragraph). I AM HAPPY! Blissfully happy. I feel unbelievably blessed, and spoiled to death most of the time. There are a couple of reasons for this:

• I am head-over-heels in love with my baby! I know I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Aidan is the happiest little baby. He is constantly smiling, and now he laughs. He makes it impossible for me to be unhappy.

• I'm trying to set a good example for Tanner. I have always known that a big part of my role as a mother is to model the behaviors I want my kids to learn. It's a lot easier to get lazy about this when the kids are little and you can convince yourself that they're not really paying attention to every little thing. (Not true at all, I know.) But having a 12-year-old son around all the time has made me very aware of my actions. I want to be an example of healthy eating habits, appropriate speech, manners, compassion toward others, I could go on and on. Above all, I want to model a good attitude. I want him to learn that he can decide to be happy, regardless of the circumstances. I want happiness to come naturally for my kids because that's the environment they grew up in.


• I love my kids. We had trouble having a fourth child, and sometimes I was sure it would never happen. Now I feel so incredibly blessed. There is so much love when you have your first child, and it's amazing how that love multiplies each time you add to your family. I don't feel like a very good mother, but I'm a very grateful one.


• I have the world's greatest husband. John has been so supportive through all of this. I can't imagine that I would be as patient if the roles were reversed. Who doesn't want to come home to a clean house, a yummy dinner, and have clean laundry when it's needed? And even though he doesn't get much of those things now, he still treats me like a princess. I sometimes wonder if he's building me up so that I'll try to aspire to be the person he believes me to be. I have been pretty much a failure as a wife for months now. He must be able to see how hard I'm trying, or he wouldn't be so good to me. Now, this is going to sound pretty materialistic, but it has to be mentioned. For Christmas, John surprised me with a new van. I had already opened some really awesome presents, and was feeling spoiled rotten, when he tricked me into opening a little box that I thought was a bracelet from Katelyn. It turned out to be a key to my 2009 Town & Country, which was sitting in the driveway with a huge gold bow on it. So now you know that I really am spoiled rotten. But my husband is a genius. Right now, my van is my sanctuary. Carter is in such a naughty stage that I sometimes consider throwing my hands in the air and fleeing motherhood, and Katie is 5, but fully willing to add her own rebellion to the situation far too often. Add a crying baby to that (not too often, but it doesn't take much, and he is teething), and I'm stretched beyond my limits. So I load the kids in the van. I heat up my seat and inhale that smell of new leather. Then I wait for the kids to buckle up and put on their wireless headphones. They choose a show - they can both watch the same thing on 2 screens, or they can each choose their own entertainment. There are 2 DVD players, as well as satellite TV with a choice of Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, or Nickelodeon. I put their viewing choices on the screens, they set the switch on their headphones to the screen they want to watch, and we're off. That's when I get to listen to whatever I want, and I've really fallen in love with satellite radio. (Funny, because I thought it was kind of pointless and unnecessary before having it myself.) Call it escapism, but when we get out of the van, my spirit is rejuvenated and I'm ready to take on more mothering challenges. And the entire time we're out, I feel so spoiled, and so loved. It's amazing what push-button sliding doors can do for a weary soul, especially one that's usually toting a gigantic baby in a car seat.

So now I feel a little embarrassed about bragging up my Christmas present, but I have to give my husband credit for doing something that has made such a huge difference in my daily life. And I want to record my thoughts so that someday I can look back on what a happy time this was, even though it's hectic and crazy. Having 4 kids is kicking my butt, but I'm absolutely loving it!

For the record, I wouldn't even be blogging if I didn't feel better about the state of things in my life. I'm just praying that I can keep things under control so that I can start adding some of my "me" things back into my life (blogging, sewing, playing the piano, etc.). Actually, tonight is my first practice with the German choir I'm considering joining. I hope I can make it work. :)

A fun surprise from a thoughtful friend

I was in my little courtyard in front of my house on Saturday, painting base molding for John's basement office, when the mailman brought the mail. Seeing the paint brush in my hand, he asked if he should put the mail in the box. He was holding a few letters and a small package. I thanked him, then set down my brush and ran over to see what the package was. I was so excited to see my name on it, and intrigued at the return address. What was Elise sending me? I opened it up and found this inside:

This adorable wipe holder was handmade by Elise for me and my cute little baby. As you can see, it's perfect in every way. She is very talented! And now I feel so stylish when I pull the wipes out of my bag. So thanks Elise! I have to say that you made my day.

Now, just for fun, here are some pics of the cute little baby who will share my fun gift with me:

My Favorite Things #11: O Tannenbaum

Like my friend Becky, I love the glow of my Christmas tree. You would think I'd get it up earlier so that I can enjoy it longer, but I'm having trouble staying caught up just with the day-to-day right now, so we're lucky we even have a tree! The kids and I went a week ago and picked out a live tree at our local grocery store. They have nice trees for one reasonable price. If I go to a tree lot, the tree I want is always the most expensive, so I prefer the "one price fits all" approach. (No, I haven't given in and bought an artificial tree yet, though I assume I will eventually. I love the smell and, well everything about a real tree!) This year I surrendered all control. I allowed Tanner to pick the tree, although I didn't understand his choice until we got it all decorated. I think it looks great now. I also let the kids put up all of the ornaments without my guidance. I have to admit, I do look at the tree and think that I should move a couple of things. You probably can't tell from the picture, but most of the ornaments are silver and red balls. There are small and large balls of both colors, and half of the red are shiny and half are matte. If I hung the ornaments, I would spend way too much time and effort trying to perfectly alternate the sizes and colors. I'm proud of myself for letting the kids do it and not going back and fixing it. It still has the pleasing glow, and that's all I really care about. I have to mention how excited Carter is that we have a real tree in our house. He must not have been paying attention last year!

I have to include a picture of the three cute little trees outside my front door. My same friend Becky found these on clearance after Christmas last year and was sweet enough to pick a box up for me and for our friend Ally. I had to wait a full year to finally be able to put them up. I love the atmosphere it creates before you enter our home.

Hope you're enjoying your holiday decor!

My Favorite Things #10: A Night Out With My Husband

.......particularly when there's a free meal involved (department Christmas party), and I've used the event as an excuse to buy a new dress. This will be the first time I've left the baby with anyone other than John, but we've got the cute girl across the street coming to babysit, and I trust her completely. I'm looking forward to a night of being just a wife. It re-energizes me and makes me appreciate being a mother.

My Favorite Things #9: My Little People Nativity

I asked my mom to get this for me for my birthday when we lived in Spokane. It's one of my favorite things to get out at Christmas time. I think the pictures say it all: