When we lived in Spokane, a girl in our ward ran the cutest little music class she called Cherubs. It was once a week at the church. The kids enjoyed it, and it was a great way for me to get out of the house and talk to other moms. Well, when we moved here 2 1/2 years ago, I opened my big fat mouth and told the relief society presidency when they came to visit me that I had toyed with the idea of doing such a group. They had been looking for something for the young mothers in the ward, and immediately an enrichment group was born. I have to say that I was hesitant to tie it to the ward in any way--there was no budget for it and no one really knew what I would be doing at the group. But I went ahead with it. I asked for a very small voluntary donation, as the girl in Spokane had done, and sank a ton of my own money into it the first year.
I named my group MusicMakers, and I've done it for the past 2 school years. It has been a ton of work, and quite a bit of stress. And here's a confession: I'm not a "fun" mom. And my personality just isn't bubbly. It has been an effort for me to try to let myself go a little and just have fun with the kids for that hour every week. I'm glad for the opportunity, though, because I feel it really benefits my kids, and I've had a good time with them.
At the end of last school year, the group really fizzled out. People got busy, and I spent the last couple of meetings at the church with just my kids. I tried to make the most of those times, but decided that I probably wouldn't do it another year. It's a lot of work to get everything together and drag it to the church, racing to get there on time, just to sit there alone. Of course, when August rolled around, the relief society started asking about it. I told them my feelings, and agreed to pass around a list to find out who was interested. We have a very old ward, with few moms of small children, and even fewer who are at home with them. But the list seemed big enough, and I really didn't want to let anyone down. So against my better judgement and the urging of my husband to give it up (he hates to see me stressed out), I went ahead and started in September. (I have to mention my frustration with one individual who pushed super hard for me to do it, through the RS, of course, and has only bothered to come to 1/2 of one class so far this year.)
So I have spent the last two classes sitting at the church alone with my kids again. I don't blame anyone, because I understand that people have other things come up, their kids get sick, and I would never expect anyone to show up every single week. I certainly didn't in Spokane. There were times I didn't go just because I didn't feel like it. I totally get it. But my big fear is that people aren't coming because I just haven't made it fun enough. I spend hours looking for music and books at the library, and making and buying little props. And I honestly try to be happy and fun. But apparently it just hasn't been enough. And now I want to cancel the class. In January, I'll have a newborn, and it would be my second year in a row trying to run things with a baby strapped to my chest. And I have a kindergartner, so I have to race her home from school and speed-feed the kids lunch so that we can get there every week. I could honestly do without the stress. I just hate to let people down. And I don't want anyone to feel guilty, like I cancelled it because they weren't showing up.
I haven't decided what I'm going to do. What do you think? What would you do if it were you?
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12 comments:
I think that like with any calling we can only do it for so long. I think its time to pass the buck. IF the Relief Society presidency really feels its important then they need to make it a calling and call someone to it. As wonderful of an opportunity as it is for the kids it should not be your full responsibility and they need to respect that. If I still lived in the ward, we would be there with you, but I also don't consider myself a "fun" mom.
Our local library has whats called baby time two days a week, once during the day and once in the evening. Its a 20 minutes class filled with singing, bubbles and a baby story. Its perfect. If there are parents truly interested I am sure that the public libraries offer something. Ours also has toddler time and story time, for when the kids get a little bit older.
Good luck. And by the way I never heard what you are having?.
Easy...cancel it. What you are doing is a full-time calling. You have your hands full already. I am sure it is a great class, but totally not worth all that effort. And maybe you could just provide info on programs the community offers (like the last post said, the library).
Another option...It sounds to me like it should be a shared, co-op type thing. Like whoever wants to be involved, takes a turn teaching the class. That way, everyone benefits and no one has the huge burden that you have been carrying for the last 2 years. And I bet more people would show up, because they wouldn't want to have no-shows when it was their turn to teach. You could even give people the resources as to where get ideas for a lesson. But if no one is willing to contribute, I would not feel bad about bagging it.
Good luck. Let us know what you decide.
oh sweetie. I am sorry to read of this. That is one of things I miss doing since we have moved. I know that I was the mother who would show up from time to time, but Lilly loved going. I agree with the posts of above. If you are stressed about it all then stop. I think you are a "FUN" mom and you can see it by the way your kids act. I always enjoyed what you had put together for Music Makers, but you have to do what is best for you.
I agree: cancel. It is OK. You aren't cancelling your testimony. Just the class! ;) It's nothing to feel guilty about even if you were cancelling because no one was coming. It's a lot of work for you and FRUSTRATING to do it all and then no one, or only one or two, show up.
Melanie, you are the cutest funnest mom out there! I think of you as an example. Now, as for the class, I agree with the first commenter. If your ward wants it done, they should make it be a calling. If you quit and they don't call someone else, then that is their problem. I'm sorry I haven't gone this year. Funny thing, I was at Jordan Landing today at 3PM and it crossed my mind that I could head over to music makers but then I realized it would be too late. Thanks for letting us go the last couple of years. I wish my life wasn't so hectic and I could just simply do mommy things again like take the kids to Music Makers.
Time to cancel. No doubt about it. Just say the word, and you will feel so much better!
How frustrating. It's easy to say just to cancel it but I'm not the one feeling pressure from the RS to keep it going. I guess one alternative idea is to say you'll do it once a month or less frequently. Maybe that would make you feel less stressed. But I honestly wouldn't blame you for cancelling all together. Especially with the new baby- that right there should clue them in that if they really want it done they should find someone else to help do it.
I hate to hear you say you aren't a fun mom. What's that all about? Of course you are. "Fun" moms make Elmo birthday cakes and spend time with them and take them to visit grandparents and teach them how to plant a garden and take them on walks....Good luck with everything!
Melanie-You are too a fun mom!!! And I think with a newborn, that would just be one thing I would let go of so I could spend my time loving on a yummy smelling new baby.
You could always do what Cassie said and try it once a month if you enjoy doing it at all. And if it doesn't work out the next couple months for people to come even once a month, then cancel it. That way you could say you gave it a shot. Good luck!
Stop. Doing. It. Now.
And don't you dare feel one bit bad about it. You've done an awesome service for the ward, and if someone is missing it, they can take over. Enjoy that baby and take a break!
Okay, it's NOT because you haven't made it fun enough! You're amazing, end of story! People always tend to get excited about things initially and then fizzle out. Pretty lame, but true. So I think that you should either A) announce that you're doing it only through December and then you're quitting and someone else can take over if they want to, or B) just quit now due to lack of interest. You have provided a great service, and you're not letting anyone down. You've given it your all, and it's definitely not your fault that people aren't coming. If they're too wishy-washy to actually show up, then it's their own fault.
I'm with Ringger and Cole. Ditch it. You are superwoman... and I agree that people just get busy. I do feel your pain though. I am the 'mid-week RS leader' and there is nothing worse than spending lots of time and energy on something that no one attends. Guess you can just chalk them up as brownie points for heaven : D You've got enough on your plate girl. Ditch it!
Hi Melanie! I didn't know you had a blog, but I saw your name in Becky's side bar and decided to hop on over here. Having been to your music class as an "outsider" I was so impressed with everything you had put together. I loved it. I could tell that you really put your heart into it.
I think that if it's stressing you out a lot, there's no shame in canceling the class. That's a lot of work to do, especially if you're not getting a good turn out.
However, I would love to start bringing my kids to the class again if you decide to keep doing it, and I know a lot of other moms who would probably love to participate, too, so if you're ever interested in opening it up to others, I could definitely find some people to come. I told a lot of people about your class because I thought it was such a good idea. When Becky invited me, I had actually been looking into the Kinder Musik program, but I didn't want to pay for it.
Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.
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