Get me off this crazy train

I have always been prone to hormone-induced insanity. I take a fun little roller coaster ride at least once a month. Sometimes it's a short ride with small ups and downs. Other times, like this month, the highs are super high, and the lows are terribly low, and there are a couple of loops thrown in just for fun. Unfortunately for my family, they get to go on the ride with me, but they feel the dips more than the rest of it.

Take yesterday, for example. I offered to take my sister Stephanie's two daughters for the day so that she could pack boxes and prepare to move. Katelyn had dance, so I piled my 3 little ones and her 2 into the van. We stayed in the van and watched movies until Katelyn was done, then headed to Costco for my usual Wednesday shopping trip and lunch. I got some strange stares, and even a few comments, as I pushed a cart loaded with 5 kids through Costco. (Usually the kids prefer to walk, but I was happy to have them all in my control when they opted to sit in the cart.) When I sat down at the food court with 5 littles ones, feeding 1 baby food and cutting pizza for the other 4, I could feel the eyes of everyone around me...........the entire. time. we. sat. there! It was a little crazy, trying to keep drinks from spilling, pizza from ending up on the floor, clothes from getting covered in food. But as I sat there, I felt good about myself. I was calm and collected. I didn't feel stressed or rushed, though it took FOREVER to take the kids to the potty. And it took even longer to load everyone back in the car, change a diaper, and make a bottle. I never lost my cool, on the outside or on the inside. I even managed to get 2 of them to nap when we got home. It was a great feeling! Fast forward a few hours. My sister has picked up her kids. My 3-year-old is waking up from his nap, which is almost never a pleasant experience. I'm exhausted from the day's activities, and from trying to keep everyone outside or quiet-as-mice inside, since my husband is working nights and sleeping (or trying to) days this week. And I'm faced with making dinner. Suddenly this task seems insurmountable and I feel like I'm going to break. I'm so frustrated that my hubby even offers to go get a pizza or fast food. (I should have taken him up on it!) I did make dinner, and survived getting the kids to bed and seeing John off to work.

And now for today's adventures: sew sew sew, trying to finish blanket for friend who just had baby; to Walmart with kids to get groceries to make dinner for same friend; lunch on the run; MusicMakers, where my kids were on their worst behavior EVER; home to frantically sew some more; cooking, baking, sewing, until...................I'm done! As the clock struck 6, I was driving to deliver dinner, complete with lasagna, salad, bread, and a cake, AND a freshly finished blanket. Now that's a feeling of accomplishment! Back at home I fed my family the same dinner, making for a happy hubby. Later, as I took a break for the first time all day, and for the last hour with John before he headed to work, we sat down to watch last night's American Idol results show. With Katelyn whining at me on one side, and Carter on the other - a constant stream of "I want, I want, I want" and "now, now, now" - I broke. I had to remove myself to another room to keep from losing it completely. Suddenly everything was too much for me and I couldn't handle hearing another demand, breaking up another fight, or cleaning up another spill. With clenched teeth and a raging temper, I got the kids in bed. They're all alive, but if I hear another pair of feet in the hallway, I fear for those kids.

So the mood swings are pretty bad. If I didn't know my body, I'd be ready to check myself into the nearest psych ward. But I'm comforted, if only slightly, by the fact that this will pass. And I'm feeling ashamed of myself. This hormonal upheaval is causing me to feel like I can't survive another second of my life. I've thought several times in the last week of the pioneer women crossing the plains, burying children and battling every kind of hardship along the way. I guarantee their attitudes were better in the face of those trials than mine has been in the face of this tiny little challenge. I have got to quit feeling sorry for myself and buck up. For now, if you see me, you'll know why I don't seem myself. I you don't see me, count yourself lucky!