Confessions

1. I am completely preoccupied with the fact that I'm about to have a baby, and I'm convinced every day that it will be the day I go into labor. Every day I wake up disappointed and discouraged. So every day I vow to stop dwelling on whether or not I'll go into labor, and I come up with a distraction and convince myself that I can wait until the 29th. I am able to find peace for a good 20 minutes before I start thinking all over again that I'm going to go into labor any minute.
2. I have been driving around for 3 days now with suitcases packed and loaded in the back for the kids and me, just in case I need to call my mom or mother-in-law to grab the kids and head straight to the hospital. I am aware that this is only adding to the craziness I described in #1.
3. I remembered yesterday that really good chocolate has the power to calm anxiety. Unfortunately, that calm feeling only lasts a few minutes before more chocolate is necessary, so I've already consumed large amounts in the last 24 hours. I'm pretty sure that between now and when the baby comes, I'll double the weight I've gained so far in this pregnancy. And I don't care.
4. I've never been ready for Christmas this early. I've been done with my shopping for a while now. I only have a few gifts left to wrap, and even the stocking stuffers are in individual, labeled bags, ready to be dumped into the stockings. My Christmas cards are mailed, and the house oozes Christmas charm. I thought this level of preparation would bring me peace in my last days of pregnancy, but it's only adding to the feeling that I should be having a baby RIGHT NOW.
5. I have been putting off making a treat to deliver to my neighbors. It's the one thing that just doesn't sound fun to me. I keep falling back on the belief that people won't expect anything from me because I'm so close to giving birth. Lame, huh? I used that excuse for the Christmas cards as well, but eventually I gave in and took care of those. Maybe today I should start making cookies? We'll see...
6. I have a dozen sewing projects that I could be finishing up to keep me busy, but I continue to brush them aside, including at least 3 that are Christmas projects, which have now been officially pushed to next year....again. This morning after my disappointing OB appointment - I'm still dilated to a 2, after 2 weeks! - I drove to my favorite fabric store and bought darling fabric to make a new blankie for my little baby. I'm going to get started on it this afternoon.
7. I'm more excited to have my baby than I am about Christmas. I know this will change on Christmas Eve, with the kids being so excited. It's really all about them.
8. I love my Christmas decorations so much that I'm already dreading taking them down in January and going back to what seem like very dull decorations in contrast. Maybe I should make my house cuter when it's not Christmas, huh?
9. I went down to use the iron on Saturday and it wouldn't turn on. I was devastated! No actually, I was excited, because it was a hand-me-down from my mom, that I think she was secretly happy to part with when she gave it to me. Not to sound ungrateful, but I've been excited at the prospect of a new iron for a long time. When I went to buy one, I realized that they can be quite expensive, so I chose one somewhere in between cheap and expensive. It's nothing fancy, but I'm super excited to use it. Does that mean I'll be tackling the shirts waiting in the laundry room to be ironed? Don't count on it. Sorry, sweetie.
10. I've been trying to keep my house super clean in case I have to run off to the hospital at a moment's notice. But I'm really lacking in motivation, so I'm sitting in the midst of a big weekend mess. I'm going to use that baby blanket as motivation, so I'm off to clean before I start sewing....