Tomorrow is Mother's Day, as I know you're all aware. I am looking forward to sitting in church with a handful of tissue, trying not to bawl as everyone declares their love and admiration for their mothers and pays tribute to how truly divine and wonderful mothers are. The truth is, I felt pretty special on my first Mother's Day. Katelyn wasn't 5 months old yet, and I was wrapped up in the miracle that is being a first-time mom. But each year since has found me feeling worse about my role as a mother. Don't get me wrong - I always wanted to be a mom, and I absolutely love it! I just feel so inadequate. I find myself listening to these descriptions of perfect mothers and I can't help but think of everything I don't do, or that I need to work on. I can't help but wish that my kids had a better mom. Does this just get worse when your kids are old enough to write cards for you and tell you how great you are? I can picture myself reading the cards and thinking, "You poor child. You had to make all of this up because your mom is so horrible."
I realize that I shouldn't be focusing on myself this holiday, and that's probably a big part of this problem. I do spend Mother's Day being thankful for the awesome mom I have, and I only wish that I could really get those feelings across to her. All the sappy letters and "I love you"s don't seem like they really capture what I want her to know. And I have a sneaking suspicion that my mom feels the same way about Mother's Day that I do.
So I want to tell all of you moms: We are so hard on ourselves. Every friend I have is an incredible mother and excels in one way or another that I really admire. So if you suffer from these feelings of inadequacy, try to let them go tomorrow. Focus on your own mom first. Then watch your kids and how great they are, and realize that that has a lot to do with you. For all of the mistakes you make, or things you could do better, you do a million little things that mean everything to your kids and help to make them the incredible little beings that they are. If Mother's Day does anything for me, it inspires me to do better. I want to live up to all the wonderful things I hear about mothers. So that's what I'll be doing tomorrow, and trying to heed my own advice.
Happy Mother's Day!
Tomorrow is Mother's Day, as I know you're all aware. I am looking forward to sitting in church with a handful of tissue, trying not to bawl as everyone declares their love and admiration for their mothers and pays tribute to how truly divine and wonderful mothers are. The truth is, I felt pretty special on my first Mother's Day. Katelyn wasn't 5 months old yet, and I was wrapped up in the miracle that is being a first-time mom. But each year since has found me feeling worse about my role as a mother. Don't get me wrong - I always wanted to be a mom, and I absolutely love it! I just feel so inadequate. I find myself listening to these descriptions of perfect mothers and I can't help but think of everything I don't do, or that I need to work on. I can't help but wish that my kids had a better mom. Does this just get worse when your kids are old enough to write cards for you and tell you how great you are? I can picture myself reading the cards and thinking, "You poor child. You had to make all of this up because your mom is so horrible."
6 comments:
Thanks for your insights, Mel! I needed to hear what you had to say (write). And you made me laugh with the whole "poor kids had to make it all up" bit. It's nice that you're able to have some perspective about motherhood: that none of us mothers are perfect, but we shouldn't be TOO hard on ourselves, while at the same time always be trying to improve as a mother. A delicate balance to find, indeed. I really appreciated this post, Mel, and think that you are a WONDERFUL mother! Your kids are very, very blessed to have you in their lives. And words really never will do in describing how much our own mother means to us. Happy Mother's Day!
I too have total Mother's Day angst, but not so much about what I'm doing to my kids, but just how inadequate I feel as a daughter. I never feel like I do enough to make my mom happy. I really, really truly don't like Mother's day because of it. I just feel like it's an extra dose of guilt.
Wow, what a downer I am. Just know that I hear your post, and I admire YOU for the great mother that you are. You inspire me!
I love how you said "For all of the mistakes you make, or things you could do better, you do a million little things that mean everything to your kids and help to make them the incredible little beings that they are."
Thanks for that!! I think that's what it's all about. Kids don't want "the perfect mom"--they just want you!! I love mother's day. I guess it's selfish, but I feel like mother's day is about me! I still acknowledge the mothers and grandmothers in my life, but I mostly feel so special that I'm a mom to my two kids and that they're mine.
Melanie! You are an awesome mom!! Your kids are so lucky to have you as a mom. You are so devoted to your kids. I think there is waaay too much pressure on us moms these days. Our mom's didn't seem to have so many expectations to live up to but we can get through this time in our lives where our kids are small and hopefully someday they will thank us the way you thank your mother and I am sure your mom knows you appreciate everything she did for you. Happy Mother's day!! You are the queen today.
Melanie! You are an awesome mom!! Your kids are so lucky to have you as a mom. You are so devoted to your kids. I think there is waaay too much pressure on us moms these days. Our mom's didn't seem to have so many expectations to live up to but we can get through this time in our lives where our kids are small and hopefully someday they will thank us the way you thank your mother and I am sure your mom knows you appreciate everything she did for you. Happy Mother's day!! You are the queen today.
Okay girl, you are an awesome mother, I look up to you so much! You did make me laugh though about your "poor kids having to make stuff up to write that is nice." I feel that way too sometimes! Anyways, sweet note to your mom and mom-in-law. Hope you had a good day!!
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