I'm sitting on my couch, using the computer we have hooked up to our TV in the living room, staring up at a screen on the mantel. My computer in the kitchen hasn't worked for weeks now. I can look at things, but I can't comment on blogs or on Facebook. I can't even post to my blog or pay my bills. I'm sure you can sense my frustration.
The weekend took its usual toll on my house, which I've been trying so hard to keep clean. I should be able to get things back in shape, but my baby has screamed most of the morning. I can't tell if it's his gums, which have been swollen and sore, or his belly, which tends to fill with gas easily, or if it's just general discomfort. But I can't seem to keep him happy. Right now he's in his car seat on the floor watching me, semi-content for a few minutes - hopefully long enough for me to finish this post. Of course, I'm risking that Aidan will destroy something while I'm not giving him my full attention. He already spent the maximum time he can stand locked in his high chair eating lunch. Guess I'd better get to the point, huh?
I'm overwhelmed. I feel like a failure most of the time. I can't seem to keep our house clean, our affairs in order, and the kids happy all at once. At least one of those things suffers while I'm attending to the others, and sometimes I'm unsuccessful in every area at once. So here's the dilemma: My husband gave me the go-ahead months ago to have a service come to help do some of the cleaning in our home. This is something I've always dreamed of, but when the option was presented to me, I immediately dismissed it, feeling like it would be proof of my failure as a mother. I can take care of things myself. I know how to clean. I don't even mind cleaning - there's something therapeutic about it, kind of like weeding. But when things are not clean, and I can't get to it because I'm running kids around town or soothing crying babies, the mess really bothers me. I hate the smudges on the door frames and the walls, the dirt on the baseboards, the cobwebs that come out of nowhere. Even when the toys and clothes are all put away, there are things I want done that I can't seem to get to. Last night I decided that today's the day - I'm calling for some quotes. And yet I've spent the morning, on the brink of a meltdown with my crying baby, paralyzed and unable to make the calls. How can I have someone else do what I should be capable of myself, even if I'm paying them?
I don't think I'm alone. Don't most of us have trouble reaching out for help? People always offer to help with the kids if we need a break, but how many of us will actually call that favor in? I want to know - do you ask for help when you need it? Would you pay someone to clean your bathrooms?
P.S. I just set up an in-home estimate for tomorrow with one company and left a message with my name and number for another.
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11 comments:
The short answer: DO IT!!!
The long answer: I don't pay anyone to clean my house but I would in a heartbeat if I could afford it. My perspective on housecleaning isn't my husband's favorite thing about me, so you might disagree too—most of the time I think the entire WORLD disagrees with me. A clean house is GREAT. It is awesome and wonderful. But it is NOT the measure of you as a person. You can be a wonderful human being with a messy home. (I always have to quantify that: by "messy" I mean not pristine. Poop on the floor or moldering bits of food or trails carved through messes is another thing.)
I think you need to give yourself a break. You have FIVE KIDS to take care of. FIVE! And four of them are still small. You cannot do everything. So you have to decide what is most important. For me, that was always time with the babies because they wouldn't always be babies. Your house will ALWAYS be waiting for you. There is always another closet you haven't organized or a messy spot that needs attention. That is a constant. Babies are not.
So, my vote: get the house cleaner!!! Banish guilt!!! Then enjoy your babies!!!
Hope this comes across in the tone I intend...not bossy, just my opinion. HUGS.
You're awesome, Amy. Thanks for the support. Your words are exactly what I needed to hear today!
ABSOLUTELY!!! I don't even think you should hesitate with the cleaning help. I think your outlook on your life right now would improve drastically if you felt more order around you--and does it matter how that order is achieved? Would you feel guilty if it was your husband scrubbing the bathrooms and the kitchen floor? No! (I wouldn't, at least!) But since your husband doesn't have the time--or if he does have the time, you want him to be spending it with you and your children, why should you feel guilty paying someone not in the family to do the scrubbing? Oh, I would be SO proud of you and so impressed if you went through with it. You're right: it is stinkin' hard to ask for help. But your "help" will be a stranger, and a paid one, at that. He or she will be happy for the employment opportunity in this economy. It seems like a huge step to take, probably, but in all reality it's pretty simple: a little help will go a LONG way in how you feel about your life. You will be able to spend more time taking care of your [currently] very demanding little ones. You go, girl!!!!
Melanie - hire help. Even if you don't do it regularly, or once a month, it will help you. Henry was home from preschool today because he was sick and in one day, the house is a disaster. There is just something about the age, and I don't even have to nurse a baby or feed a toddler.
You have a beautiful family. you wouldn't hesitate to pay for piano lessons for them, basketball sign ups or dance. Consider this your sign up. It will be something that will keep you sane. Of course you can do it. Everyone can clean. But maintaining is so much easier than scrubbing.
I'm thinking of you. You are an amazing woman and I admire you so, so much.
DON'T DO IT. Totally kidding I just wanted to be different. Do it, then get a sitter and let's go out to dinner!!!! I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed, me too. It's hard, so hard. Call me I need your #. (if you ever get a moment)
I would LOVE to pay someone to clean my bathrooms! One time in college, I paid my roommate $5 to do the dishes for me! Totally worth it. If you're feeling overwhelmed, get some help! Your husband wants to take some of the pressure off of you. Not because you're "failing" but because he loves you and understands that it's HARD!
And next time you feel like a failure, instead of focusing on what you haven't accomplished, make a list of all the things you've done that day.
Oh, and I agree with Lucy that maintaining is easier than scrubbing. I need someone to give my bathrooms a thorough cleaning, even if it's just once, so that it will be easier for me to keep them that way!
Heck YES! You're life is full, my dear. If having someone clean your toilets and scrub your floors, helps you enjoy all of the time you spend at home taking care of PEOPLE... the answer is easy. YES. YES. YES. Have you considered finding someone in your ward who may really need some extra money?
Elise - interesting that you should say that. I've gone back and forth with the idea of asking someone in my ward. Would you ever really do that? Would it be awkward to have someone you know doing your dirty work? Would you be embarrassed?
I think you're brave. Seriously. I think most of us tend to suffer because we are scared to ask for help. I think it takes maturity to realize when you need help and to ask for it. So I'm proud of you for taking action rather than just letting yourself feel horrible. I really think you'll feel better and you will be able to enjoy your babies more. I know it's hard for me to sit and enjoy rocking Eric if I look around and feel totally guilty that there are no clean dishes or clothes. But if those things were done I'd sit and rock him for hours and love it! Even if I knew I wasn't the one who cleaned it. Seriously, I know the time with the babies will FLY by and so we should really try to do anything we can to make it so we can enjoy that time.
There was a day last month when my visiting teaching partner called and I had been having the worst morning. I tried to sound okay on the phone but she is the sweetest woman and she could tell I wasn't okay. She practically had to force it out of me that I was struggling but finally when she offered to help I let her take Evan for a few hours so I could clean the kitchen! She thanked ME for letting her play with Evan. She had fun with him (she's Mom's age). And I felt better for getting some extra time. I wised I had called her and asked before.
I think you're such an amazing example and I really look up to you. :) Things will look up, especially with beautiful spring almost here!
Nope. Especially if they really need the help. You scratch my back {or clean my bathtub}, I'll scratch yours {pay you the big bucks}. Plus, if they are doing it every week or two, they will get used to the routine. I would love to help someone I know... and help myself! Just a thought, but no matter what I'm sure it will be fabulous!
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