For Shauna

What do you get when you combine:

• 8 cake mixes
• 3 cups of oil
• 2 dozen eggs
• 3 cups of butter
• 5 pound of marshmallows
• 20 pounds of powdered sugar
• a little bit of milk
• a few teaspoons of vanilla
• some food coloring
• ribbon
• and a pretty bow?

First you get this:

Then this:

And finally this:

Here's the cake at Shauna's reception:

And here's Shauna with her mom, my sweet mother-in-law Rose:

Congratulations, Shauna! You're an awesome sister-in-law!

* This was my first wedding cake, and will be my last unless one of my kids wants me to make them one someday. I baked all day yesterday, and started the frosting/decorating at 9:30 this morning. I had to pause a few times to feed a starving baby, but other than those breaks I worked straight through until 5:30, when we left for the reception. Wow, I can't believe it's over!!

Happy Birthday, Rose!

My sister-in-law just got married and is having a reception next week. Well, for some crazy reason she asked me if I'd make a cake for her. She showed me a few pictures of what she has in mind, and I told her I hope she doesn't regret trusting me with such a big responsibility, especially since I've never made a wedding cake before. I knew I'd need to practice, and I had the perfect opportunity when we decided to throw my mother-in-law a birthday party. For the practice cake, I simply used my 2 9-inch round pans and layered them, then frosted them with buttercream and covered them in fondant. Here's what I came up with:

I have to thank my mom for bringing me the ingredients and being my moral support as I kneaded powdered sugar into melted marshmallows for what seemed like hours. She was also great help when Aidan decided to dump a bag of powdered sugar on the floor behind me while I worked on the fondant. I learned a lot in the practice round, so hopefully the wedding cake will look a little more professional. It will be 3 layers, so it will be quite a bit more involved. I know what I'll be doing next Friday and Saturday!

And for those of you who don't have mischievous 20-month-olds running around your house, here's what happens to your beautiful cake while you're throwing in a load of laundry (luckily this didn't happen until after the party when there were only a few pieces left):

But could you get mad at this face?

Do you?

I'm sitting on my couch, using the computer we have hooked up to our TV in the living room, staring up at a screen on the mantel. My computer in the kitchen hasn't worked for weeks now. I can look at things, but I can't comment on blogs or on Facebook. I can't even post to my blog or pay my bills. I'm sure you can sense my frustration.

The weekend took its usual toll on my house, which I've been trying so hard to keep clean. I should be able to get things back in shape, but my baby has screamed most of the morning. I can't tell if it's his gums, which have been swollen and sore, or his belly, which tends to fill with gas easily, or if it's just general discomfort. But I can't seem to keep him happy. Right now he's in his car seat on the floor watching me, semi-content for a few minutes - hopefully long enough for me to finish this post. Of course, I'm risking that Aidan will destroy something while I'm not giving him my full attention. He already spent the maximum time he can stand locked in his high chair eating lunch. Guess I'd better get to the point, huh?

I'm overwhelmed. I feel like a failure most of the time. I can't seem to keep our house clean, our affairs in order, and the kids happy all at once. At least one of those things suffers while I'm attending to the others, and sometimes I'm unsuccessful in every area at once. So here's the dilemma: My husband gave me the go-ahead months ago to have a service come to help do some of the cleaning in our home. This is something I've always dreamed of, but when the option was presented to me, I immediately dismissed it, feeling like it would be proof of my failure as a mother. I can take care of things myself. I know how to clean. I don't even mind cleaning - there's something therapeutic about it, kind of like weeding. But when things are not clean, and I can't get to it because I'm running kids around town or soothing crying babies, the mess really bothers me. I hate the smudges on the door frames and the walls, the dirt on the baseboards, the cobwebs that come out of nowhere. Even when the toys and clothes are all put away, there are things I want done that I can't seem to get to. Last night I decided that today's the day - I'm calling for some quotes. And yet I've spent the morning, on the brink of a meltdown with my crying baby, paralyzed and unable to make the calls. How can I have someone else do what I should be capable of myself, even if I'm paying them?

I don't think I'm alone. Don't most of us have trouble reaching out for help? People always offer to help with the kids if we need a break, but how many of us will actually call that favor in? I want to know - do you ask for help when you need it? Would you pay someone to clean your bathrooms?

P.S. I just set up an in-home estimate for tomorrow with one company and left a message with my name and number for another.

Terrible twos already?

Carter and Aidan are almost 3 years apart, and I guess that 3 years has been enough for me to forget what having a small toddler is like. I could swear that Aidan is the most active and curious of my children so far. For months now I have spent most of my time chasing after him, trying to keep him from killing himself or the baby, and cleaning up disaster after disaster. He's at such a fun age, but is so much work! I've spent so much energy hoping that he grows out of this troublemaking stage soon that I completely forget what looms ahead. I know from experience that the terrible twos really start around 18 months, but boy did it take me by surprise when I got my first taste of it today!

I have to take full responsibility, because I chose to delay Aidan's nap just a little so that I could take the kids to the library. I put the baby in the Moby wrap and thought that I could hold Aidan's hand instead of making him sit in a stroller - I really want him to have some freedom now that he's getting older and thinks he's one of the big kids. I knew pretty much immediately that I'd made a mistake. The only thing Aidan was interested in was running away from me - out the automatic doors, behind the librarian's desk, anywhere he shouldn't be. If I tried to take his hand to guide him, he immediately turned to jello and dropped to the ground. With a baby strapped to my chest, it was very difficult to chase him, and even harder to try to carry him. But I had two kids who were choosing books, and then we had to wait a few minutes for the librarian to fix a mistake on our account. One of the nice librarians actually tried to help me, but there's not much you can do with a screaming child who is screaming hysterically and drops to the ground on contact. Luckily, I'm far past feeling embarrassed by my kids' behavior in public, but I was so frustrated that I was nearly in tears by the time we got out of there. Terrible twos, here we come!

I'm so grateful that when one child is being terrible, at least one child tries to be super good. We came home and put the baby in bed and I introduced the kids to the wonder of the Olympics. (I know, shame on me for not watching it with them sooner.) Sitting with Katie in the recliner while feeding the baby, with Carter playing next to us, we all cheered on our pick in the ski-cross competition. I sure love my kids and I'm beyond grateful to be home with them, but sometimes the challenges are almost too much for me.

More Home Improvements (why, oh, why?)

What on earth would possess a couple with a newborn and 4 other demanding children to take on a home improvement project? I could only guess that it's pure insanity (actually, for my part it's definitely insanity, but that's another story). John had Friday off, as well as Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, so we thought it would be a good time to tackle Katie's bedroom. Her room was actually in o.k. shape, but in dire need of a paint job, and new carpet, since the previous owners decided to spray-paint the walls and not bother to cover up the carpet. Her old carpet was in beautiful shaped except for the white paint around the edges.

We got a carpet remnant for a "smokin' deal," to quote the salesman, and in this case it actually was. And now that John has become an expert carpet installer, the whole thing was pretty cheap. We had to buy paint, the carpet, baseboards, miscellaneous hardware (light switch and outlet covers, new light fixture, a doorknob, nails) and we paid to rent a knee kicker for the carpet installation ($11 for the rental). It did take us the entire long weekend to complete the project, but it was actually our quickest project to date. Still, we're glad to have it done.

Here's what the room looked like before:

Here's what it looked like last night before we moved the bed and dresser back in:

I guess maybe it looks like we're moving backwards, but believe me, it's much improved. The carpet is thick and soft, and the colors are neutral and soothing. And I love the new carpet/fresh paint smell when I go in there. Katie lost the top of her bunk bed to Carter and will be gaining a new roommate - we'll be putting a crib in there for Baby Zach. I've got some fun decorating ideas that I'm excited to get going on, so I'll wait to post more pictures until there's something cute to show. (So expect more pictures sometime in 2012.)

In the meantime, I've been feeling guilty about never posting pictures of my completed bedroom. I've been holding off because I haven't done my window treatment yet, and I can't seem to figure out what to put on my dresser. But for now, I'll show you the most exciting part for me, which is my beautiful bed:

I absolutely adore it and its 11 pillows, about which I have to hear constant complaining from my husband. That's probably because they spend so much time on the floor, I'm ashamed to admit. But from what I hear, all husbands with multiple pillows on their beds like to complain about them. It's worth it to me.

Guess that's it for now. I'm working on restoring order to the rest of our house, since it was badly neglected while we worked on Katie's room this weekend. The chaos just about led to a total emotional breakdown, but I think I'm feeling better now that I've had some time to clean. Of course there's always more to do, and a baby to feed. So, ta-ta for now!

Dying to write

I really need to get back to blogging. I miss reading others' blogs and leaving comments, and having an outlet for my thoughts, with the possibility of feedback and understanding. I really need that connection right now. I'm stuck in that post-partum period of trying to find a rhythm to life with a new baby, and I'm feeling pretty isolated. One of my goals this year is to take better care of myself, which involves a lot of things, one of which is blogging more. Here's to hoping that I can make it happen. And here are some reasons that I feel guilty taking the time to blog:

• My kitchen sink is always overflowing and my kitchen floor is in constant need of sweeping and a good scrubbing
• Someone is almost always crying
• There is almost always a diaper to be changed or a mouth in need of feeding
• The last time I cleaned my bathrooms I was still pregnant
• I'm barely keeping the laundry under control - so far no one's run out of underwear, at least I don't think so...

Obviously I haven't quite figured out this new stage of life yet. It's getting better. But I've got two babies. I call them Big Baby and Little Baby. I love them both to death, but they both require a lot of work. Big Baby is teething, so he wakes up 2 or 3 times a night. He's the busiest toddler I've had yet, and he's too smart, so he spends his day trying to destroy the computer, the Wii, the PS3, or anything else expensive he can get his hands on. Thank goodness for naps! Little Baby eats every few hours and has a lot of gas, so he seems to cry whenever I'm trying to cook dinner or do the dishes. I don't think he cries all that much, but with my time being limited already, I feel like I can't get a thing done. So I've borrowed my sister's Moby wrap and I've taken to carrying him around on my chest in the evenings and trying to accomplish something.

To put an end to my ramblings..........I spend my nights going back and forth between feeding Little Baby and soothing a crying Big Baby. I'm not really sleeping much at all. The days are spent taking Katie to school and picking her up, then picking Tanner up from wrestling or play practice. Twice a week I get to drag the whole gang to Tanner's wrestling meets. Sprinkle in doctor and orthodontist appointments and grocery shopping and other errands, and things are pretty busy.

Wish me luck! I'm hoping I'll get the hang of all of this pretty soon. And hopefully I'll be back to blogging even sooner......

My Amazing Weekend

Here's why my weekend was so great:

Saturday:
My husband woke up and told me to go have a day to myself, so without a moment's hesitation I took a nice long shower, got myself ready for the day, fed the baby, and took off. I got a pedicure at a day spa, where the atmosphere was peaceful and I was pampered like the spoiled brat that I am. And then I did a little bit of shopping. I ended up trying on jeans, which I had no intention of doing for at least a few months - my new baby is only 4 weeks old, you know. But I was pleasantly surprised when the experience wasn't at all depressing, and I ended up with a cute, comfortable pair of jeans. It's amazing what a new pair of jeans can do for your mood. Putting them on this morning made me smile, and I felt like a more stylish, put-together version of myself when I dragged the kids to Walmart for our weekly grocery shopping.

I was gone for 4 hours, and my hubby would have been fine if I'd stayed gone longer, but that little break from the kids left me feeling incredibly rejuvenated. I came home smiling and laughing, with huge hugs for the kids and my sweetheart, who had managed to clean the house while I was gone! I am so blessed to have a husband who works hard, then comes home and helps out with the house and kids, and gives me time to myself as often as possible. Love you, sweetie!

Sunday:
This year we go to church from 9 to noon. While I love this schedule because of the full day left after church is over, I don't love trying to get the kids dressed and out the door that early. With the birth of our new baby, we actually haven't attempted the entire 3 hours until yesterday, so I was a little nervous. By some miracle, I arrived at church at 8:55 with 5 kids in tow. I didn't lose my temper once, even as I balanced feeding a newborn and trying to control a very naughty 4-year-old and an even naughtier 17-month-old. And then I sat at the piano in primary for 2 hours and the baby slept the entire time! I think John was shocked when we got home and I wasn't crying like I usually am after 3 hours of wrestling the kids at church. I chalk my success up to 3 things: having mostly boys, who require nothing more than a comb through their hair and some gel to look smashingly handsome; a husband who always asks if there's anything he can do to help as I'm running around like a mad woman on Sunday mornings; and a little help from above, because I'm trying to do what I believe is right by dragging my kids to church every week. :)

I hope that your weekend was as wonderful as mine!