I just couldn't resist....

Katelyn has fallen in love with writing stories and illustrating them. (I think they talk about "illustrations" a lot at school.) Here is one of her stories. I found it this morning on the table. I'm not sure where she gets her knowledge of eagles. I'll have to ask her when she gets home from school.

This next one requires a little explanation. For Carter's birthday a week ago, John got him a bearded dragon:

His name is Dragon - creative, huh? He is Carter's best pal (besides Katie, of course). Dragon hangs out with us while Carter plays with his Legos, plays video games, draws, etc. However, because Carer is only 5, we've had a few incidents with Dragon. Sometimes when I tell Carter to put Dragon back in his cage downstairs he forgets. Not seeing Dragon attached to Carter's shirt like he usually is, I assume Carter has obeyed me. We have always been able to find the lizard after one of these mishaps, until last night. I was out doing my visiting teaching (yeah me!) when I got a text that Dragon was missing. I returned home two hours later and he still hadn't been found. John had been combing the house, the yard, the garden, but no Dragon. I went out with a flashlight and looked for a while, then searched the house myself. When I finally gave up, I honestly felt like crying (take note of the end of Katie's next story). I never in my life dreamed I would be that sad, if sad at all, over a lost lizard. But that guy is Carter's best buddy, and in the short time that we've had him, he's really become part of the family. Here's Katie's take on the situation:

The kids were up at 5:30 this morning, and I listened to them bemoan their lost friend, promising to look outside again when it got light. Luckily, before we started the search again we noticed Dragon on the hearth in the living room. He was behind a little stuffed pumpkin, and probably had been all night. I don't know how we missed him, or how the cats missed him. I'm just so relieved! And I'm happy to have Carter's pal back. :)

Random Stuff

• Carter (5 yo): "Mom, how did Jesus make us? How did he make our skin? Did he make bread and toast it, and then put water on it so it was all skin-y?"


• Aidan, now 2, says the cutest things in his little sweet voice. He always says thank you, and excuse me when he burps. He loves to ask me if I'm OK, and he has taken to asking if he can hold me (meaning, of course, that he wants me to hold him). His sentence structure is amazing for a 2-year-old. If only he weren't driving me crazy all day every day!


• I'm severely sleep deprived. If Aidan's not keeping me awake, it's Zach (now 9 months old). Seriously, several nights a week I am up pretty much all night. Last night I slept for 4 hours straight, and today I got a 2 hour nap. This kind of sleep is unheard of! I hope it can carry me through another long week...


• My sister is going to have a baby any minute now. She's past her due date, and going crazy, I'm sure. I feel for her. And I feel for me because it will be a few months at the least before I see her sweet baby. I'm still in mourning over her moving across the country, if you can't tell.


• I'm drowning in a sea of dirty laundry. Seriously. I can. Not. Keep. Up! I did make some great strides this weekend. There may be hope for this week if I can keep it going.


• It will help that I'm done with this:

I've now done 4 batches of salsa, almost completely from my garden, tomatoes from my garden, and pears from my sister's tree. If I have enough, I'll do another batch of tomatoes, but that's it for this year. I'm proud of it, and we love the salsa to death, but it's just about done me in. Thank goodness for a mom who will drop everything to help out a daughter who's taken on too much!

• I've also been doing this.....

....and I'm dying to do more! I have several projects in the works - all gifts for people who have had or are about to have (wink, wink) babies. But I also have some new projects going. If I can get my act together, I'll be opening an Etsy store soon. I'm really excited, and I'll be launching it with a giveaway on my blog. So stay tuned! (If you're a follower of my blog, you know that this does not mean to expect anything soon. But it will happen!)

• Last, but not least, I'm grateful to have a husband who will dig in and do some dirty work when it's needed. While I napped today, he cleaned the kitchen, including the floor. If you've ever been in a room with my 2-year-old while he's eating, you know what a gross job that is! Thanks, sweetie. I think this week is off to a much better start than last......

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye...

Three years ago my youngest sister Cassie moved halfway across the country so that her husband could go to law school. It was so hard to say goodbye. Luckily I was able to fly out to visit her once, and she has been back to visit a couple times a year. Her visits are sooo fun, especially since she's had two children while living away, and it's so neat to spend time with them and see our kids together. We also talk on the phone quite frequently, and I love that.

Monday night I had to say goodbye to another sister, also headed across the country so that her husband can attend law school. My sisters are definitely among my closest friends, and Stephanie is no exception. With Cassie far away, and our other sister working, Steph and I have taken full advantage of having each other close. We've dragged kids (more each year) shopping for kids' clothes in Park City and all over Salt Lake. We've tried to keep the kids occupied for countless hours of sewing, or shopping for fabric. We've shared our passion for gardening and plants and flowers. We've shared our parenting trials and offered each other understanding and empathy. I've been mourning my sister's leaving for months now, and I won't ever forget driving away, watching her wave goodbye.

I woke up this morning to the new reality of being alone. There's no possibility of a visit or a quick trip together to the fabric store. Our kids won't be playing together for a long time. I'm so excited for Steph and the adventure she has ahead of her. And I know we'll talk all the time and remain close, just like Cassie and I have. I just wish she were still here.

Looky looky

Wanna see something cute? Meet my new tote:

The materials and know-how were a birthday present from my sweet sister, Stephanie. She found the tutorial on homemadebyjill, one of my new favorite blogs. (Seriously, you should check it out!)


Now, ready for something else? Meet my new purse:

Once again, I copied Stephanie. She bought the pattern and made herself a purse, and I was so in love that I made myself one, and even used fabric from the same Moda line that she used. I know, what a copy cat, right? This project was more challenging and took much longer than the tote, which is super quick, but it was totally worth it. I LOVE taking my purse everywhere with me, and it even holds diapers and its coordinating wipe wallet (I know, I'm a nerd).

I didn't do a good job of showing it, but the lining of the tote is the same polka dot fabric as the zipper panel on the purse.

Have you done any fun projects lately?

Hi. Remember me?

Actually, I'm not sure that I remember me. In my last post I alluded to the postpartum depression I've been dealing with. Well, I'm sure you're dying to hear more about it, because really, don't we look to our friends' blogs to bring us down? Unfortunately, I don't have much else on my mind lately. Sorry.

This isn't my first experience with depression. I had a pretty big battle with it in college, and then again after my 4-year-old was born. Every time I have a child, I worry and watch for the signs and try to be pro-active so that maybe I can keep it from happening. This time, however, I could tell by my 6-week postpartum check-up that things weren't going so well.

Fortunately for you, my goal is not to give you the details of my struggle. Instead, I want to open up a discussion about guilt. I have always been prone to feelings of guilt, often without justification. I feel guilty about things that aren't even my fault. Now, for the last 4 months I've felt guilty about being depressed.

When I was a junior in high school, we moved to Utah halfway through the school year and I got to switch from early morning seminary (where we went to someones house at 6:30 am every school day to learn about our religion and study the scriptures) to release-time seminary. That meant I got to walk across the street from the school during one of my regular class periods for seminary. Yeah! I had a very charismatic and fun teacher - he kind of reminded me of Drew Carey. Although I know his heart was in the right place, he had an ax to grind, and he let us know. He had a huge issue with depression, especially its prevalence in Utah and among church members. He told us more than once that depression is basically unrighteous. He believed that if you understand the gospel and if you are righteous, and if you look to Christ for help, you cannot be depressed.

So if you combine his teachings, which I took with a grain of salt at the time and still don't really believe, with my tendency to feel guilty about anything and everything, you get my new problem: I feel incredibly guilty about being depressed.

Here are the facts: I have an amazing life. My husband is my best friend and the most supportive man and wonderful father. I love my children more than words can say and I am blessed to be able to be home with them to raise them. We have enough money to put food on the table and buy more than just what we absolutely need - just look at my closet full of cute shoes and my brand new minivan. I have in-laws and parents who are helpful and loving, and real, true friends who care about me, including my sisters, who are always there for me. So what do I have to be unhappy about? Nothing! And it does feel selfish and unappreciative that I'm unable to pull myself out of this.

So let's discuss: do you find yourself feeling guilty for things that you know deep down are out of your control, and if so, how do you stop feeling that way?

*Disclaimer*

I'm working with my doctor to deal with my depression, and I'm having more and more days where I feel like I'm going to kick this. And I really hate to come across as whining about my life. At the same time, I want to break my silence and share with my friends just a little of what I've been going through. Thanks for listening.

To My Family on Mothers Day

I love what Elise wrote about Mothers Day. It can be such a difficult day, for a lot of women, I'm sure, and for many different reasons. I'm so glad she posted the video about Nie Nie, because it made such an impression on my heart. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, you've got to go to one of these links and watch it!) As women, we get so wrapped up in looking beautiful, and in keeping a lovely home - in things that are so superficial. As moms, we have a wonderful opportunity to lose ourselves in the service of these precious little souls who've been sent to us to raise. I've been dealing with a pretty bad case of postpartum depression for the last 3 months, and I've struggled just to get through the day. I know that there are people who have far greater struggles than mine, and it helps me to be reminded of that fact. So instead of focusing on myself this year, I want to dedicate this Mothers Day to my family:

To Zach: I get to spend every few hours snuggling you when I feed you. You depend on me for your survival, and I am so in love with you that it borders on obsession. What a happy little baby you are, and everyone in the family loves you to death.

To Aidan: You are the cutest thing in our house right now, and also the most difficult. Your dad and I are amazed at your awesome, fun personality, and you bring us unbelievable joy, even though I spend your every waking moment cleaning up after you and trying to keep you out of trouble.

To Carter: You've hit a really defiant stage, and you test my patience more than anyone. But you're so smart and talented and focused. I know you're going to do something big and important someday, and I love you for being you.

To Katelyn: You are adorable, so smart, and so sweet. We butt heads because you're just like me, but you know how to melt my heart. You love to tell me that I look pretty, or that you love something I've made or done. And you're the best little helper a six-year-old could be.

To Tanner: I know that I'm not your mother, and I will never be able to replace her, but I love you like you're my own son. You're at a difficult age, dealing with difficult issues, and I'm so impressed that you always do what I ask of you. That's got to be rare for a 13-year-old, and I love it!

To My Husband: I wouldn't have my beautiful children if I didn't have you. And I couldn't be the mom that I am without you by my side. You give me the push I need to keep going, even when it seems too hard. Your love and support mean the world to me, and the kind of dad you are to our kids makes me want to be a better mom. I love you.

I feel so blessed to have my wonderful husband and children, and I hope I can hold onto this feeling and drink in the experience of being a mom with small kids. And I hope that all of you mommies out there had a great Mothers Day filled with peace and love.

For Shauna

What do you get when you combine:

• 8 cake mixes
• 3 cups of oil
• 2 dozen eggs
• 3 cups of butter
• 5 pound of marshmallows
• 20 pounds of powdered sugar
• a little bit of milk
• a few teaspoons of vanilla
• some food coloring
• ribbon
• and a pretty bow?

First you get this:

Then this:

And finally this:

Here's the cake at Shauna's reception:

And here's Shauna with her mom, my sweet mother-in-law Rose:

Congratulations, Shauna! You're an awesome sister-in-law!

* This was my first wedding cake, and will be my last unless one of my kids wants me to make them one someday. I baked all day yesterday, and started the frosting/decorating at 9:30 this morning. I had to pause a few times to feed a starving baby, but other than those breaks I worked straight through until 5:30, when we left for the reception. Wow, I can't believe it's over!!