Another bad trip (to Walmart)

You may remember that I've had some rough times at Walmart in the past. Despite the fact that I hate everything about the store - it's dirty, the people who shop there are dirty, it's way too big so you feel like you've run a marathon by the time you finish shopping - I continue to do my grocery shopping there because of the savings. I know, I've written about this subject before. So I was doing my grocery shopping on Wednesday, already having had a pretty tough morning, thanks to both the kids and the dog. I was doing my best to be patient and take my time. The kids were going nuts, running around and being wild, knocking things off of the shelves and driving me crazy in the process. I pulled each child aside several times and calmly but firmly explained what behavior I was unhappy with and what expectations I had, but nothing was getting through to them. We had made it to the checkout and were almost homeward bound when everything spiraled out of control. Katelyn pushed Carter down so that he hit his face on the floor. She was being wild and playing, not intentionally hurting him, but it was the last straw for me. I put her in the shopping cart and told her to stay there, and she lost it. At this point she was in full-on tantrum mode, kicking and screaming and flailing her body. Several employees were trying to help me load the groceries into the cart, and a nice old lady thought she was helping by trying to talk to Katelyn. Unfortunately, none of these things helped. I ended up pushing the shopping cart to the car with Carter holding on to one side of it and Katelyn under my arm, kicking and spitting and screaming. She continued this as I strapped her into her carseat, loaded Carter and the groceries into the van, and drove home. I was determined to maintain my composure, although I wanted to break down in tears or scream my head off at her. Both kids fell asleep about 10 seconds before we pulled into the garage, so I carried them to their beds. My lucky hubby called at that precise moment and got an earful of the tears I had been trying to hold back.

Katelyn awoke just a few minutes later. I had been trying to figure out how to get through to her. I gave her some paper and asked her to draw a picture of what she had done wrong at the store, and another picture of what she would do next time. I wasn't quite prepared for what I would get. When she brought me the pictures, I had to choke back the laughter. She was so dead-on with what she had done wrong, and the pictures were pretty good representations for a 4-year-old. Take a look:

This is Katelyn pushing Carter. I'm holding her hand.

This is Katelyn screaming in the shopping cart. I'm pushing.

This is Katelyn screaming in her carseat.

This says, "Mom, I love you."

This is Mom, Katelyn & Carter, happy.

In hindsight, I can think of some things I could have done to make our shopping trip more successful. So I'm learning. And I think Katelyn is, too. I was surprised at how clearly she saw her behavior and her knowledge of right and wrong. And I'll treasure these drawings forever. Hopefully she'll forgive me for sharing them with the world.

Sweet Little Nothings

Sometimes I get extremely overwhelmed by housework. We had a really fun weekend, but we managed to trash the house in the process. On Sunday night, I looked around me and felt like running for the hills or burying my head in the sand. It was bedtime, and the kids were getting in the tub. Suddenly the thought came to me that I LOVE getting my kids out of the bath, slathering them with lotion so they smell like heaven, drying Katelyn's hair, trimming their nails…it's a bonding experience that I cherish, and I love the clean little angels that emerge. So I decided to forget about the mountain of dishes and my filthy floor and just enjoy the time with my kids before I put them to bed.

Walking to my ward book club tonight with a neighbor, she reminded me how fast the time goes by, and to enjoy this time while my kids are little. I know this, and I'm reminded of it quite often, but I need those reminders. And it's so true. I look at my kids and can't imagine how they've gotten so big and grown-up already. I DO want to make the most of this time.

Of course, as I've been writing this, my kids have turned into naughty little monsters in the tub. So I'm going to go yank them out by their hair pull them out gently and try to recreate the peaceful feeling I had on Sunday night.

NKOTB

The kids and I just finished rocking out to the New Kids on the Today Show. They performed a medley of their old songs, which I absolutely LOVED in junior high. I wasn't cool enough to ever see them in concert, but I had a couple of their tapes, and my friends kept me updated on all of the pertinent info about the guys from their teen mags.

It's funny to picture the junior high me, dancing to "Please Don't Go Girl" with a nerdy boy I didn't want to dance with. Then flash forward to the current me, dancing around the living room with my toddlers. And for the record, they still think I'm pretty cool. (Still thinking about that last post. Someday they'll see me for the nerd I am. I'll treasure these days while I have them.)

shhhhh

I have known since I became a parent that I am destined to embarrass my kids constantly when they reach the right age. I've often wondered if it would be the way I dress, the car I pick them up in, the music I listen to - honestly there are a lot of things about me that are potentially embarrassing. But I came to a new realization today. This embarrassment thing is a give and take. The kids do it to us as they're growing up, so they totally deserve to get it back! Here are two examples:

1. Katelyn has done this a couple of times. We'll be walking together - Katie, Carter, and I - when we see a strange man (it has been a man every time, though not necessarily a scary looking one). Katelyn will say, not quietly, "Is that scary guy going to take us?" There are several versions of this question, all equally mortifying. I'm not sure where she gets this idea, because I've only talked to her a few times about the possibility of being kidnapped, and I've focused more on the fear of that happening if she's too far from me than the scariness of the individuals who might want to snatch her.

2. Today we were at my favorite store (Walmart, in case you've forgotten), doing my favorite chore of shopping for the week's groceries. We walked by a woman who, admittedly, had a round face, although she was not overweight. Katelyn said, again not quietly, "Some people have really round faces. They're really round and fat. They're so fat they can't breathe." It went on for a couple more sentences. I'm not sure what she was getting at, with the whole can't breathe thing, but she kept saying that people are fat. I was trying to shush her without making it seem like I thought she was talking about anyone around us. I didn't want to make it any worse. When we were a reasonable distance from most other shoppers, I explained that we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by calling them fat. She really doesn't understand this. I'm not sure if she even knows what "fat" means. It's not something we really talk about.

I have a feeling that I haven't seen the end of this issue. Kids point out their observations - that's just what they do. Now it's my job to teach them some tact. I really don't think I'll feel too bad when I pull up to pick Katelyn up for a dance blasting Chicago from the minivan. She's got it comin' to her!

Dear Mom,

I have not been an easy daughter to raise. As your first of four, I did my best to make life difficult for you. I promise I didn't mean to, but now that I have a daughter of my own, I can see how hard it must have been for you to figure out how to deal with me. I am scared to death of Katelyn as a teenager! I am just amazed that when I was at my very worst, you were the one beside me helping me through the trouble I brought on myself. It would have been so easy to say "I told you so," a million times, but you offered up your love and support instead. Over the years, I feel like we have built such a strong friendship, and I hope you know how important it is to me. I really love our long talks, and I know I can come to you if I need anything. Now that I have children, you've taken on a different role in my life. My kids love to go see their Omi, and I love watching them bond with you. They are very lucky to have such a wonderful grandma. So happy Mother's Day from all of us. We love you!

Dear Mom-in-Law,

I only say "in-law" to differentiate between you and my own mom. I don't think of you as a mother-in-law. TV shows give the term a bad connotation. Like on Everybody Loves Raymond, mothers-in-law are always hovering, criticizing, and making their sons' wives feel terrible about themselves. I have felt lucky since day one because you've never been that way with me. When I'm with you, I feel completely loved and accepted. You are one of the most thoughtful and generous people I've ever known, and I'm so grateful to have you in my life. My children are equally blessed to have you. They know that you would do anything for them, and they love the way you spoil them rotten.

I realize that you're in Hawaii and probably won't read this for a week, but I hope your Mother's Day is wonderfully relaxing, and I hope you know how much you're appreciated by your children and their families. Happy Mother's Day - we love you.

Mother's Day Angst

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, as I know you're all aware. I am looking forward to sitting in church with a handful of tissue, trying not to bawl as everyone declares their love and admiration for their mothers and pays tribute to how truly divine and wonderful mothers are. The truth is, I felt pretty special on my first Mother's Day. Katelyn wasn't 5 months old yet, and I was wrapped up in the miracle that is being a first-time mom. But each year since has found me feeling worse about my role as a mother. Don't get me wrong - I always wanted to be a mom, and I absolutely love it! I just feel so inadequate. I find myself listening to these descriptions of perfect mothers and I can't help but think of everything I don't do, or that I need to work on. I can't help but wish that my kids had a better mom. Does this just get worse when your kids are old enough to write cards for you and tell you how great you are? I can picture myself reading the cards and thinking, "You poor child. You had to make all of this up because your mom is so horrible."

I realize that I shouldn't be focusing on myself this holiday, and that's probably a big part of this problem. I do spend Mother's Day being thankful for the awesome mom I have, and I only wish that I could really get those feelings across to her. All the sappy letters and "I love you"s don't seem like they really capture what I want her to know. And I have a sneaking suspicion that my mom feels the same way about Mother's Day that I do.

So I want to tell all of you moms: We are so hard on ourselves. Every friend I have is an incredible mother and excels in one way or another that I really admire. So if you suffer from these feelings of inadequacy, try to let them go tomorrow. Focus on your own mom first. Then watch your kids and how great they are, and realize that that has a lot to do with you. For all of the mistakes you make, or things you could do better, you do a million little things that mean everything to your kids and help to make them the incredible little beings that they are. If Mother's Day does anything for me, it inspires me to do better. I want to live up to all the wonderful things I hear about mothers. So that's what I'll be doing tomorrow, and trying to heed my own advice.

Happy Mother's Day!

my little American Idol fans

John is on call tonight, so I let the kids stay up to watch American Idol with me. They're my little buddies. (Sorry for the blurry picture.)

My New Best Friend

Meet my new best friend. This little puppy (or one of its cousins when this one is gone) will reside in my purse until the end of August. Pregnancy stinks.

To my neighbors

Dear homeowners,

My kids and I took a long walk through the neighborhood today. We thoroughly enjoyed gazing upon your houses and your yards. Some of you obviously take great pains to make your surroundings beautiful. I tried to pay close attention to what combinations of flowers you planted and the way you arranged them. I'm sure it will boost your ego when you see your hard work mimicked in my flowerbeds next year.

Now to those of you who don't have as much time for yardwork. Believe me when I tell you that my children were more impressed with your yards full of "dandy flowers" than with any of the others they saw. One house we passed seemed to have only "dandy flowers," which had gone to seed and were in their white puffball stage. My daughter gleefully exclaimed, "Look how beautiful, Mom! I wish we could have that yard and they can have ours!" I'm not actually offering to make this trade, but I want you to know that there are people who appreciate the brand of beauty you have to offer.

And lastly, to those of you with dogs. I would really appreciate it if you would keep your dogs fenced or somehow limit them to the confines of your own yard. My dog, though she is only 6 months old, is large enough to drag me and my 1-ton stroller down the street. The entire right side of my body is weak from pulling against my gigantic puppy as she strained to defend herself against your dogs. Even if your dog is a tiny little thing, it makes it really hard for me to pass your house as it follows us down the street. I'm a tough girl, but I can only counteract so much angry barking dog weight with my tiny little body.

My kids and I look forward to dragging the dog (or being dragged by the dog) past your house again tomorrow. Feel free to wave and hold tightly to your dog's leash as we pass.

Sincerely,

Me

Things I will pay others to do for me in the future

Like everyone, I've always had this little wishlist in the back of my mind. Someday, I won't have to do this - I'll pay someone else to do it. Well I felt this very strongly the other night when I bathed the dog. She is very good in the tub, yet I still got soaked, as did my entire bathroom and the hall. And I had to protect my furniture for the next few hours because I have no idea how to get a dog truly dry, and wet dog fur STINKS! So my house reeked like wet dog for the next 24 hours. I never understood why people would pay someone else to bathe their dog. It's an easy enough job, right? Well, now I get it. Someday, when I go out to run errands, I'll first drop the dog at the groomer where she'll get a bath, all of that excess hair brushed out onto someone else's floor, and her nails trimmed by someone else who wants to get bitten repeatedly. When I pick her up, she'll be close enough to dry that I dare take her back to my spotless and pretty-smelling home. What a nice little story, huh? Here's my list of other things I plan to pawn off on poor willing souls in the future:

• Putting up sheetrock, taping, mudding & sanding
• Scraping popcorn ceilings
• Cleaning my toilets (this will be a chore for the kids when they're old enough, before I let the cleaning lady take over the responsibility)
• Scrubbing the bathtub and shower (another kids' chore)
• Cleaning the carpets
• Washing, waxing, & vacuuming the car (another one for the kids, unless it's my cute little convertible Jag - that will need to be professionally detailed)
• Ironing my husband's dress shirts (I'll send his shirts out to be washed, starched, & pressed -this one will happen sooner than most of the items on the list)
• Installing flooring (I should admit that my husband really did this for us, not me, but I don't want him to ever suffer that torture again!)
• Packing up boxes and moving our own belongings
• Washing blinds
• Washing the outsides of my windows
• Dusting, particularly floorboards and hard-to-reach places like the top of the fridge
• And last, but not least, I can't wait to get laser hair removal so that I never have to shave or pluck again!

Now, I can almost guarantee that this is not a complete list. I feel like I'm forgetting a lot, and I know I'll be adding to it in the future. Lots of these things will be delegated to my kids when they have the coordination and skills necessary. As lazy as I sound, I also have a list of things I'll probably never pay someone to do because I'm too darn cheap:

• Snake my toilet (John and I have both had experience with this fun one, but plumbers cost a fortune!)
• Deliver my Chinese food - As nice as it sounds, take-out usually comes with a 15% discount and you don't have to tip the driver.
• Lawn/yard care - Why pay someone when my husband is so good at it? No, seriously, even if John didn't mow, I would, and I enjoy taking care of the flowerbeds and the garden we're about to have (I hope?).
• Vacuum - This is one of my favorite chores. Rarely does a day go by when I don't get out the vacuum.
• Paint my toenails - I love pedicures, but I've never gotten a really good paint job. I'm very picky about the paint on my toenails.

So there you have it! Are there things that you would or wouldn't love to pay someone else to do for you?

I really do love my new career

Yesterday was a hectic day. It was the first Thursday of the month, meaning that I had to put together a new MusicMakers class (my little weekly music group). I had left most of the work for the last minute, so I needed to run around town gathering music & props & stuff. So by 9 am, the kids and I were dressed and out the door. I decided to stop at the gas station and treat myself to a cup of hot chocolate for the morning's errands. As I paid for my drink, I had a flashback to my former life. For almost 8 years, I worked as a banker. I stopped on my way to work on many mornings to grab a quick bite or a drink - anything to delay getting to the office. I loved my customers at the bank, but it was a super stressful job and I worked with some unsavory people, so I remember quite well the feeling of dread I had every morning as I headed to work.

As I exited the gas station yesterday, I felt funny, surrounded by people headed off to their various jobs. I had on jeans and cute new shoes, and I wondered if any of them wondered what kind of job I was headed to. As I got in the van, where my cute kids were laughing their heads off to the DVD they were watching, I realized how lucky I am.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed with all of my responsibilities. It's hard work being a mom and running a household - I'm sure I don't have to tell you! There's always so much to be done, and a lot of times, the kids either keep me from getting as much done as I could, or they undo the things that I do (like housework!). I never get a break from Carter's new 2-year-old attitude, and I don't get a lot of adult conversation. I sometimes feel very lonely.

So here's the upside: I get to wear whatever I want. I don't get to decide when I wake up (I guess I could, if I wanted to get up before 6), and I have to work around naps and grumpy moods, but for the most part I get to plan my own day. I decide what to do when. And I get to spend all day with my kids. (Believe me, I don't always realize how lucky I am in that regard.) I can be silly, and spend as much time playing as I'll allow myself. I get to witness the hilarious conversations that 2- and 4-year-olds have with each other. I get to pick them up when they get hurt and dry their tears and love them back to happiness. As I write this, I'm watching their adorable little bodies bounce up and down on the trampoline as they laugh hysterically.

The bottom line is, I love what I do. I need to keep this in my mind all of the time. I would be so much happier focusing on the good, and I'd be a better mom to my kids. I hope I can hold onto these thoughts and feelings for a long time.

(By the way, I know I've written similar posts before. I apologize for the redundancy.)